U.>'jijL*.CtM^- 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 


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LITE  ^    / 


OS 


¥      DAVID  FERRIS, 


OF 


THE  SOCIETY  OF  FRIENDS 

Late  of  Wilmington,  in  the  State  of  Delaware. 


Revised  and  corrected  from  the  original  copy  in  manuEcript. 


PHILADELPHIA . 


PUBLISHED  BY  JOHN  SIMMONS, 

South-west  corner  of  Third  and  Tammany  Streets. 
Joseph  Rakestraw,  printer. 

1825. 


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>  •    •  •    •  •       • 


>  J 1    ^  t'     i,  »*      *       •!•••• 


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7=4/  A^  SRi-F 
A  TESTIMONY 

raoM 

Wilmington  Monthly  Meeting,  in  the  County  oJMw- 

Castle,  on  Delatvare, 

coNCEBsma 

DAVID  FERRIS. 


He  was  the  son  of  Zachariah  and  Sarah  Ferris  ;  and 
Tva  was  born  in  Stratford,  in  Connecticut  government, 
"in   New  England,  the  10th  of  the  Third  month   1707. 

CM  .  . 

g  His  parents  being  Presbyterians,  brought  him  up  in 
that  way;  his  mother  being  religiously  disposed,  and 
much  concerned  for  her  offspring,  frequently  gave 

d     them  good  advice  and  admonition ;  which  had  some 

^     good  effect  with  this  our  friend,  as  he  has  often  been 

Q    heard  to  express. 

We  find,  by  some  remarks  he  left,  that  about  the 
twelfth  year  of  his  age,  he  was  frequently  visited  and 
called  unto  by  the  divine  Monitor  in  his  heart,  to  for- 
sake evil  and  youthful  vanities,  which  he  delighted  in; 
and,  by  being  in  a  good  degree  faithful  thereto,  was  for 
a  time,  preserved  from  them  5  but  for  want  of  attend- 
ing to  that  which  would  have  continued  to  preserve 
him,  the  pleasures  and  vanities  of  this  world  got  hold 

4-18051    , 


of  his  mind  ;  so  that  he  took  much  delight  in  airy  and 
vain  company,  music  and  dancing,  and  such  like 
amusements,  until  about  the  twentieth  year  of  his  age ; 
when  it  pleased  the  Lord  to  visit  him  with  a  sore  fit 
of  sickness,  which  proved  of  lasting  advantage  to  him ; 
as  it  occasioned  him  to  take  up  a  fresh  resolution,  to 
forsake  the  evil  of  his  ways,  and  turn  to  the  Lord  with 
full  purpose  of  heart;  which  he  was,  through  mercy, 
favoured  with  ability  in  measure  to  perform. 

He  still  continued  in  profession  with  the  Presbyte- 
rians, not  having  any  knowledge  of  Friends;  although, 
by  attending  to  the  teachings  of  divioe  grace,  he  be- 
came convinced  of  the  principle  we  profess;  and 
hearing  of  a  yearly  meeting  of  Friends  to  be  held  on 
L(ong  Island,  went  to  it,  with  desires  to  discover  whe- 
ther they  were  a  living  people  or  not,  for  such  he  de- 
sired to  find ;  where  he  met  with  what  he  often  longed 
for,  a  people  that  worshipped  God  in  spirit  and  in 
truth;  which  was  a  great  strength  and  confirmation 
to  him,  in  forsaking  the  errors  of  his  youth.  And  by 
yielding  obedience  to  these  inward  motions,  he  gain- 
ed strength,  and  waS  more  and  more  enabled  to  bear 
a  faithful  testimony  to  the  truth,  as  it  was  made 
known  to  him. 

In  the  sixth  month  1733,  he  removed  to  Philadel- 
phia; where  he  joined  in  religious  fellowship  with 
Friends.  In  1735,  he  married  Mary,  the  daughter  of 
Samuel  and  Sarah  Massey;  and  in  1737,  removed  to 
"Wilmington,  in  New  Castle  county;  where  he  resid- 
ed the  remainder  of  his  days. 


He  made  some  appearance  in  the  ministry  about  the 
year  1734  ;  but  through  unfaithfulness  to  the  divine 
call,  he  from  time  to  time  put  it  oft',  and  remained  in 
a  neglect  of  duty  therein  upwards  of  twenty  years ; 
although  he  was  often  warned,  both  immediately  and 
instrumentally,  in  a  remarkable  manner ;  which,  at 
length,  produced  a  submission  to  the  divine  will ;  so 
that  in  the  year  1755,  he  was  made  willing  to  give  up 
thereto,  and  therein  found  great  peace. 

He  travelled  through  divers  parts  of  this  continent 
in  the  work  of  the  ministry;  and,  by  certificates  pro- 
duced on  his  return  home,  it  appeared,  that  his  con- 
duct, conversation,  and  labours  abroad,  were  exem- 
plary and  edifying ;  tending  to  the  advancement  of 
truth  and  righteousness.  His  doctrine  was  sound, 
and  acceptable  to  the  honest  hearted,  though  sharp 
against  the  hypocrite  and  rebellious  ;  yet  tender  to 
the  mourners  and  disconsolate. 

He  was  very  serviceable  in  our  meetings  for  disci- 
pline; which,  with  other  meetings,  he  diligently  at- 
tended; not  suffering  his  outward  affairs  to  hinder 
him  from  what  he  believed  to  be  his  religious  duty. 
And  although  he  followed  shop-keeping  for  a  living, 
it  was  his  practice  to  shut  up  his  shop,  and  take  his 
family  with  him  to  week-day  meetings ;  often  expres- 
sing, for  the  encouragement  of  others,  that  he  believ- 
ed it  was  attended  with  a  blessing.  He  was  free  and 
open-hearted  to  entertain  Friends;  and  concerned  to 
bring  up  his  children  in  plainness,  and  instruct  them 
in  the  fear  of  the  Lord,  believing  that  to  be  the  best 


VI 

portion  they  could  inherit ;  remarkably  charitable  to 
the  poor,  and  often  administered  to  their  necessities. 

Bodily  weakness  attended  him  during  the  last  three 
years  of  his  life ;  and  near  the  close  of  his  days,  he 
was  much  afflicted  with  sickness,  which  he  bore  with 
patience  5  often  expressing  his  prospect  of  his  ap- 
proaching end,  and  his  resignation  therein ;  saying, 
«  All  is  well."  Several  Friends  being  present,  after 
a  time  of  silence,  he  in  a  lively  manner  repeated  the 
expressions  of  the  Apostle,  "  To  me,  to  live  is  Christ, 
and  to  die  is  gain." 

He  departed  this  life,  the  5th  of  the  Twelfth  month 
1779,  aged  upwards  of  seventy -two,  a  minister  about 
twenty -four  years.  On  the  7th  of  the  same  month, 
his  corpse  was  interred  in  our  burying  ground  in 
Wilmington. 


l!SS!®OS 


or  TBB 


LIFE 


ov 


DAVID  FERRIS. 


WHEN  I  consider  the  situation  of  man,  in  his 
fallen  state,  and  the  great  change  that  all  expe- 
rience who  are  delivered  from  the  power  of  dark- 
ness, and  have  been  translated  into  the  kingdom 
of  the  dear  Son  of  God ;  that  in  order  to  attain  to 
this  happy  state,  all  must  experience  a  mortifica- 
tion of  their  natural  tempers,  and  evil  propensities; 
must  know  the  "  old  man"  to  be  slain,  and  the 
«  new  man"  to  be  put  on ;  which,  after  God,  is 
created  in  righteousness  and  true  holiness ',  and 
that,  in  order  to  walk  in  the  new  and  living  way, 
we  must  know  old  things  to  pass  away,  and  all 
things  to  become  new.     I  say,  when  1  consider 
these  things,  I  feel  a  concern  for  my  fellow  men, 
that    they    may    become    acquainted    with   this 
change.     And,   apprehending  that  I  have  had 
some  acquaintance  with  it,  by  passing  through 
various  dispensations  of  trial  and  affliction,  I  am 


8 

inclined  to  leave  some  account  of  them  to  pos- 
terity ;  to  show  to  those  wlio  follow,  that  the  Lord 
is  ever  near,  and  will  be  found  of  those  who  seek 
him  early;  that  he  is  long  suffering  towards  those 
who  go  astray,  and  merciful  to  all  who  sincerely 
turn  to  him  ;  hoping  it  may  minister  information 
and  encouragement  to  weary  travellers  in  the 
same  road.;  and  induce  them  cheerfully  to  com- 
ply with  divine  requirings. 

I  wrote  a  short  account  of  the  fore  part  of  my 
life  in  Latin,  continued  to  about  the  twenty-fifth 
year  of  my  age.  The  many  difficulties  and  dan- 
gers in  my  way,  and  doubting  whether  I  should 
hold  out  to  the  end,  induced  me  to  keep  my  history 
in  a  language  unknown  to  those  about  me.  I  con- 
cluded that  if  I  should  bold  on  my  way,  I  might 
afterward  translate  it  into  English  ;  and  add  to  it, 
as  I  found  freedom.  And  now,  after  about  twenty 
years  experience  of  divine  support  and  preserva- 
tion, having  great  cause  to  say  that  "  God  is  good 
to  them  who  seek  liim  ;"  that  none  seek  him  in 
vain ;  and  that  his  tender  mercies  fail  not ;  I  am 
inclined  to  translate  it;  hoping  it  may  be  useful; 
at  least,  to  some  of  my  posterity. 

I  was  born  at  Stratford  in  Connecticut,  New- 
England,  tho  lOlh  day  of  the  Third  month,  1707. 
My  parents,  Zachariah  and  Sarah  Ferris,  made 
profession  with  the  people  called  Presbyterians; 


and  in  that  way  I  had  my  education.  My  father, 
while  I  was  very  young,  moved  to  a  place  called 
New  Milford.  It  being  a  newly  settled  place,  I 
had  not  the  advantage  of  a  school ;  but,  under  the 
care  of  my  mother,  I  soon  learned  to  read  in  the 
Bible  ;  and  understood  that  there  was  a  Supreme 
Being,  who  made  all  things,  and  preserved  and 
upheld  them  in  their  order ;  and  that,  as  the  work- 
manship of  his  hand,  I  stood  accountable  to  liim 
for  every  part  of  my  conduct.  About  the  eighth 
year  of  my  age,  I  was  informed  that  the  divine 
Being  was  self-existent ;  without  beginning  and 
without  end  ;  and  not  being  able  to  understand 
how  that  could  be,  I  sometimes  thought  so  in- 
tensely on  the  subject  that  I  became  much  bewil- 
dered. At  length  it  was  shown  me,  that  the  pro- 
position was  too  high  for  m^'  comprehension  ;  and 
I  received  something  like  a  reproof  ff)r  searcliing 
into  things  beyond  my  capacity.  From  that  time 
I  was  fearful  of  prying  into  such  deep  mysteries. 

My  mother,  being  a  religious  woman,  and  much 
concerned  for  the  good  of  her  offspring,  both  tem- 
porally and  spiritually,  was  frequent  in  giving 
them  good  advice  and  admonition  ;  desiring  that 
we  might  shun  the  paths  of  error;  and  teaching 
us,  by  her  own  example,  as  well  as  by  precept,  to 
walk  in  the  ways  of  virtue,  which  lead  to  peace. 
This  was  a  great  help  to  us  while  young,  and  was 
not  easily  forgotten  when  we  came  to  maturity. 


10 

Death  was  a  frequent  subject  of  my  thoughts  5  and, 
in  tlje  twelfth  year  of  my  age,  I  was  frequently 
ealled  by  the  Holy  Spirit  to  forsake  evil,  and  leave 
youthful  vanities,  which  I  then  delighted  in,  and 
to  be  sober  and  circumspect  in  all  my  ways.  By 
attention  to  the  divine  call,  and  to  the  reproofs  of 
instruction  daily  communicated,  I  was  preserved 
from  evil ;  and  saw  something  of  the  beauty  of 
holiness ;  the  happy  state  of  the  righteous  in  the 
world  to  come ;  and  the  moving  situation  of  the 
wicked,  when  they  put  off  mortality,  and  hear  the 
awful  sentence  pronounced,  **  Depart  ye  cursed.'* 
About  this  time,  a  little  circumstance  occurred 
that  much  affected  my  mind,  and  afforded  me  last- 
ing instruction.  As  I  was  riding  through  a  river, 
against  a  rapid  current,  a  young  dog  attempting 
to  swim  after  me,  the  stream  being  too  strong  for 
him,  could  not  keep  up  with  my  horse.  He  ap- 
peared to  be  in  the  utmost  distress,  even  to  despe- 
ration. As  my  mind  was  filled  with  pity  for  the 
poor  animal,  it  was  opened,  to  view  the  awful 
amazement  a  poor  soul  must  be  in  when  leaving 
the  world  destitute  of  hope.  As  simple  a  circum- 
stance as  this  may  appear,  it  was,  I  believe,  of 
use  to  me  for  years.  I  was  very  careful  of  my 
thoughts,  words  and  actions  for  several  years 
afterwards :  the  fear  of  the  Lord  preserving  me 
from  evil.  My  mind  was  humbled  under  a  sense 
of  my  daily  want  of  divine  help;  and  as  I  abode 


11 

under  a  religious  concern,  attending  to  the  re- 
proofs of  instruction,  which  are  the  way  to  life, 
an  increase  of  light  and  life  was  communicated 
to  me :  so  that  1  came  to  delight  in  virtue.     As 
my  desires  and  care  for  divine  things  increased, 
the  knowledge  of  them  was  unfolded.     I  could 
truly  say,  the  Lord  was  my  delight.    And  for  some 
years,  as  I  dwelt  in  his  fear,  his  yoke  was  easy, 
his  harden  light,  and  all  childish  vanities  were 
burdensome.     While  I  kept  near  the  spring   of 
life,  with  my  mind  fixed  on  the  true  object,  the 
world  and  the  things  thereof  had  lost  all  their 
lustre.     But,  alas  !  not  keeping  my  eye  single  to 
the  light,  I  lost  my  Leader ;  and  then,  by  little 
and  little,  the  world  roso  again  with  splendor  to 
my  view.     Earthly  delights  and  vanity  got  such 
hold  of  my  aflfections,  that  i  took  great  pleasure  in 
airy  and  vain  company.  This  was  an  unspeakable 
loss  to  me,  and  I  mention  it  that  others  may  take 
tvarning  by  my  harms.     It  seemed  almost  mira- 
culous that  I  was  ever  restored  from  this  lapsed 
state.     My  mother  mourned  over  me,  and  often 
advised  an<'  urged  my  return  ;  showing  me  the 
danger  of  such  a  course  of  vanity.     Yet  1  was  not 
wholly  forsaken  by  my  inward  Monitor  and  for- 
mer Guide.     At  times  it  reproved  me  ;  at  other 
times  called  me ;  wooing  and  pleading  with  me 
to  return.    Sometimes,  in  the  midst  of  my  vanity, 
I  saw  that  i  was  iu  the  way  to  death  5  and  that 


12 

it  would  land  me  in  everlasting  confusion  if  I  did 
not  forsake  it.  Sometimes  my  concern  was  so 
great,  that  I  was  obliged  to  leave  my  vain  compa- 
nions, and  retire  so  full  of  trouble  and  distress, 
that  1  had  no  satisfaction  until  a  considerable  time 
afterward.  During  these  seasons  of  affliction,  I 
was  ready  to  promise  to  forsake  my  vain  course 
of  life,  and  to  covenant  with  the  Lord  that  [  would 
do  so  no  more ;  provided  he  would  be  pleased  to 
grant  me  his  assistance.  But  my  efforts,  being 
to(»  much  in  my  own  strength^,  proved  unavailing. 
Vanity  so  prevailed  that  I  took  great  delight  in 
music,  (lancing,  and  other  vain  amusements. 

In  the  twentieth  year  of  my  age,  1  was  visited 
with  severe  illness  ;  so  that  I,  and  those  about  me, 
had  very  little  hope  of  my  recovery.  Then  death 
stared  me  in  the  face ;  and  a  dreadful  scene  of 
woe,  anguish  and  misery  opened  to  my  view.  It 
appeared  clear  to  me  that  if  I  were  then  taken  off 
the  stage  of  action,  I  should  be  unavoidably  lost ; 
and  that  evil  spirits  were  waiting  round  me,  to 
convey  my  soul  to  the  mansions  of  misery  and 
everlasting  darkness;  so  that  my  horror,  anxiety 
and  distress  were  infxpressible.  In  the  utmost 
anguish  of  mind,  1  cried  to  the  Lord  for  helpj  pro- 
mising amendment,  if  more  time  and  ability  were 
affoid^'d  me;  and  it  pleased  a  kind  Providence  to 
be  propitious  to  me ;  so  that  I  was  restored  to 
hcHith  ;  and,  in  about  a  month,  was  able  to  walk 
about. 


13 

After  my  recovery  I  remembered  the  distress 
I  had  been  in,  and  t!ie  promise  I  had  made,  when 
under  the  dreadful  apprehension  of  everlasting 
misery  and  destruction.  1  saw  the  necessity  of  a 
faithful  performance  of  my  vows.  I  was  sensible 
that  there  was  a  work  to  be  done;  and  that  if  I  did 
not  now  comply  with  my  promise,  I  should  have 
to  pass  through  the  same,  or  rather  a  worse  scene 
of  misery  aiid  distress.  It  appeared  probable  that 
a  more  convenient  opportunity  for  repentance 
than  the  present  would  not  be  afforded  ;  and  I 
concluded  that  this  was  the  time  to  turn  from  va- 
nity ;  forsake  my  evil  ways  ;  and  renounce  all  my 
sensual  delights.  But,  when  I  had  resolved  to 
begin  the  necessary  work  of  reformation,  the  ad- 
versary of  all  good  tempted  me  to  believe  that  it 
was  too  late  to  think  of  obtaining  peace  with  my 
Maker;  for  this  plain  reason,  "that  as  there  was 
a  day  or  time,  in  which  men  might  be  saved;  so, 
if  they  let  that  opportunity  pass  away  unimproved, 
it  would  be  in  vain  to  attempt  it  afterward."  He 
suggested,  that  I  had  had  such  a  day  of  visitation, 
and  had  passed  by  it  ;  that  I  had  been  uncom- 
monly favoured  with  help,  and  for  a  time  did  not 
accept  of  it ;  that  I  had  been  made  a  partaker  of 
the  Holy  Ghost ;  that  I  had  tasted  of  the  good 
word  of  God,  and  the  powers  of  the  world  to  come, 
and  had  fallen  from  it;  so  now  it  was  impossible 
that  I  should  again  be  renewed  unto  repentance  s 


14 

seeing  I  had  crucified  the  son  of  God  afresh,  and 
put  him  to  open  shame.  This  reasonin.a;  appeared 
so  strong,  and  so  consonant  to  tl»e  apostle's  doe- 
trine,  that  1  gave  up  the  point  j  and  concluded  it 
was  too  late  to  attempt  a  return,  with  hope  of  ac- 
ceptance. 

From  that  time,  during  the  space  of  about  two 
months,  I  never  sought  for  mercy  ;  but  remained 
in  utter  despair.  My  distress  was  as  great  as 
could  well  be  supported  without  loss  of  reason.  I 
daily  wished  for  death,  so  that  it  might  occur 
without  laying  violent  hands  on  myself;  which  I 
was  not  much  tempted  to  do. 

It  was  usual  with  the  young  people  of  our 
neighbourhood  to  spend  much  of  their  time  in 
vanity  and  merriment ;  forgetful  of  God,  their 
Creator;  as  if  Ihcy  had  been  made  to  please  them- 
selves in  the  gratification  of  a  sensual  mind  ;  and, 
pro\ided  they  were  not  profanely  wicked,  the 
elderly  part  of  society  were  not  very  uneasy  with 
it.  But,  in  the  year  1727,  there  was  a  great  re- 
formation at  New-Milford,  among  the  young  peo- 
ple of  the  Presbyterian  profession.  They  had 
been  awakened  by  the  immediate  operation  of  the 
Holy  Spirit  on  their  own  minds;  and  were  brought 
into  great  concern  for  their  future  well  being; 
nndor  which  they  had  no  outward  assistance.  The 
apostolic  doctrine  of  *»  Christ  within,"  and  of  be- 
ing *«  led  by  the  Spirit  of  God,"  was  denied  by 


i5 

the  priest  and  many  of  the  people,  who  appeared 
to  have  little  sense  of  a  divine  Teacher  in  them- 
selves; b>it  asserted  that  revelation  had  now 
ceased,  and  no  such  thini?  was  to  be  experienced 
in  this  day.  As  I  had  been  the  companion  of 
those  young  people  in  vanity  and  dissipation,  they 
(knowing  nothing  of  my  inward  condition,  which 
I  had  not  discovered  to  any)  generally  applied  to 
me  for  counsel  and  advice  ;  and  I  was  much  con- 
cerned on  their  account ;  being  desirous  of  afford- 
ing them  assistance,  although  I  had  no  hope  of 
relief  at  that  time  for  myself. 

My  trouble  continued  and  increased  ;  so  that  I 
had  no  satisfaction  in  life.     On  a  certain  day,  in 
this  season  of  despair  and  deep  distress,  I  con- 
cluded to  leave  my  native  land  and  go  into  some 
foreign  country,  to  spend  the  residue  of  my  days; 
where  I  purposed  to  remain  unknown,  and  that 
none  of  my  relations  or  acquaintance  should  know 
what  was  become  of  me.     Being,  in  my  own  ap- 
prehension, a  poor,  lost,  reprobate  creature,  I  was 
not  willing  to  remain  at  home,  to  be  a  disgrace  to 
my  relations  and  country  people.  This  was  a  day 
of  the  deepest  affliction  and  distress  that  I  had 
known.     Towards    evening,    as   I  followed   the 
plough,  my  attention  was  arrested,  as  it  were,  by 
a  still,  small  voice,  saying,  "The  blood  of  Jesus 
Christ  his  son  cleanseth  from  all  sin."    But  I  put 
it  by  ;  saying  in  my  heart,  «  It  is  too  late  ;  there 


16 

Jias  been  a  day  wherein  I  might  have  been  cleans- 
ed j  but,  alas!  1  have  let  it  pass  over  my  head 
for  ever."  Some  time  after  this,  (perliaps  half  an 
hour,)  while  I  was  musing  on  what  land  I  should 
flee  to,  the  same  words  passed  through  my  mind 
again,  with  more  authority  than  before,  and  com- 
manded my  attention  rather  more  closely  than 
they  iiad  done;  but  I  again  put  them  by;  con- 
cluding I  had  lost  all  right  to  apply  them  to  my- 
self. So  I  resumed  the  consideration  of  my  flight 
to  a  foreign  land.  In  the  mean  time  my  sorrow 
and  anxiety  of  mind  increased ;  so  that  I  was  not 
well  able  to  support  it,  or  go  on  with  my  business. 
But  while  I  was  still  musing,  the  same  words  un- 
sought for,  and  unexpectedly,  passed  through  my 
mind  with  greater  power  and  authority  than  at 
any  time  before,  <«The  blood  of  Jesus  Christ  his 
son  clcanscth  us  from  all  sin."  At  the  sound  of 
them  my  soul  leaped  for  joy.  I  felt  that  a  door 
of  hope  was  opened,  and  said  in  my  licart  ''\^  all 
sin  why  not  mine?^*  Then  a  living  hoj)c  sprang 
in  my  soul.  I  saw  the  arms  of  mercy  open  to  re- 
ceive me,  and  the  w  ay  cleared  before  me  as  a  road 
through  a  thicket. 

I  w  as  now  filled  with  joy  unspeakable  ;  thanks- 
giving and  living  praise  to  my  Redeemer  arose  in 
my  heart  for  the  experience  of  so  great  and  mar- 
vellous a  deliverance ;    that  my  feet  should  be      I 
plucked  out  of  the  mire  and  set  upon  a  rock  ;  that     ^ 


17 

I,  who  had  no  hope  just  before,  should  now  be 
favoured  with  a  well-grounded  assurance  of  par- 
don and  acceptance,  was  a  mercy  never  to  be 
forgotten. 

From  this  time  I  sought  for  divine  assistance  ; 
and,  in  infinite  kindness,  a  hand  of  help  was  ex- 
tended for  my  restoratioti,  and  the  healing  of  my 
backslidings.  Then  I  was  enabled  to  sing  upon 
the  banks  of  deliverance,  and  praise  the  name  of 
him  who  lives  for  ever.  The  Holy  Spirit,  that 
blessed  Teacher,  with  whom  I  had  formerly  been 
favoured,  but  had  forsaken,  was  now  restored, 
as  a  leader  and  teacher,  to  direct  and  instruct  me 
in  tlie  way  to  peace  and  rest.  From  this  time  my 
mind,  after  such  great  favour,  was  humbled  and 
made  subject  to  the  cross  of  Christ,  and  heartily 
willing  to  take  it  up,  daily,  and  foilow  him,  my 
kind  leader,  in  the  narrow  way  of  self-denial. 
And  as  I  was  obedient,  he  led  me  to  forsake  my 
vain  course  of  life,  and  all  those  youthful  delights 
and  sensual  pleasures  which  were  displeasing  to 
my  dear  Lord  and  Master;  who  in  wonderful 
mercy  had  lifted  me  out  of  the  dungeon,  and  heard 
my  prayers  in  a  time  of  deep  affliction.  He  now 
became  my  director  in  all  things ;  showing  me 
clearly  what  my  duties  were;  and  enabling  me  to 
perform  them  in  an  acceptable  manner.  But  if, 
at  any  time,  I  acted  in  my  own  will,  I  lost  my 
strength,  and  found  no  acceptance  nor  benefit  by 

B  2 


18 

my  performances;  by  which  I  gradually  learnt, 
that  I  could  do  nothing,  acceptably,  without  the 
immediate  assistance  of  the  spirit  of  Clirist  the 
Redeemer.  Thus  I  found  a  necessity  to  apply 
continually  to  my  only  and  all-sufficient  helper ; 
and  humbly  to  wait  for  his  assistance  and  direc- 
tion ;  and  as  I  was  faithful,  he  led  me  into  the 
path  of  life,  which,  if  continued  in,  will  terminate 
in  everlasting  peace. 

Having  gradually  learned  that  nothing  of  a  re- 
ligious nature  could  be  effectually  done,  without 
the  immediate  assistance  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  I 
may  humbly  acknowledge  that  I  was  wonderfully 
favoured  with  divine  instruction ;  far  beyond  my 
expectation,  and  infinitely  above  my  deserts.  I 
was  led,  as  it  were,  by  the  hand,  and  helped  over 
every  difficulty  that  attended  mc.  But  tlie  adver- 
sary of  my  soul  tried  every  stratagem  to  draw  me 
aside  from  the  path  of  virtue.  He  strove,  night 
and  day,  to  deter  me  from  walking  in  the  narrow 
way  f  representing  the  difficulties  to  be  so  great 
that  I  could  never  hold  out  to  the  end  ',  and  that 
all  my  attempts  would  be  in  vain.  He  seemed  to 
be  continually  present,  whether  I  was  awake  or 
asleep,  disquieting  my  mind  as  much  as  possible. 
But  my  prayer  was  incessant  for  divine  aid ;  that 
a  stronger  than  he  might  appear  for  my  help,  and 
dispossess  him.  And,  in  about  a  year  after  I  had 
been  raised  from  the  pit  of  despair,  as  before  re- 


19 

lated,  I  received  a  promise  that  **  the  God  of  peace 
would  bruise  Satan  under  my  feet  shortly."  Faith 
was  given  me  to  believe  in  this  promise ;  and  I 
hoped  for  a  speedy  deliverance.  But  he  continued 
to  afflict  me  with  his  assaults,  with  temptations, 
and  evil  suggestions,  for  some  months  afterward. 
Notwithstanding  whieh,  I  still  believed  the  time 
would  come,  according  to  the  promise,  and  I  pray- 
ed for  its  fulfilment,  in  the  Lord's  time.  At 
length,  a  stronger  than  he  did  indeed  come,  and 
cast  him  out,  and  wholly  dispossessed  him ;  and  not 
only  bruised  him  under  foot,  but  removed  him  far 
from  me. 

The  power  of  the  enemy  to  assault,  or  in  any 
wise  to  disquiet  me,  was  now  taken  away  ;  neither 
was  he  able  to  lay  any  temptation  before  me.  Now 
was  my  soul  daily  filled  with  thanksgiving  and 
living  praise  for  this  deliverance ;  as  well  as  for 
all  other  the  manifold  mercies  and  favours  of  God, 
from  day  to  day,  bestowed  upon  me,  «<  a  worm  and 
no  man."  To  the  honour  of  his  great  name,  who 
hath  done  marvellous  things  for  me,  and  to  the 
praise  of  his  grace,  I  may  say,  that  the  adversary 
of  all  good  was  not  only  thus  prevented  from  trou- 
bling me  j  but  the  fountain  of  divine  life  was  open- 
ed, and  the  water  thereof  flowed  so  freely  and 
plentifully  into  my  soul,  that  I  was  absorbed  in  it, 
and  so  enamoured  thereby,  that  all  the  riches, 
honours,  and  vain  pleasures  of  this  world,  had  no 


20 

place  in  my  afTcctions.  In  this  state  I  longed  t(y 
be  with  Christ ;  which,  I  was  sensible,  was  better 
than  to  be  here.  I  do  not  know  that  there  was  one 
moment,  whilst  I  was  awake,  for  the  space  of  nearly 
two  years,  in  which  I  could  not  sing  living  praises 
to  him  who  liveth  for  ever  and  ever.  No  losses, 
crosses,  or  disappointments  did,  in  any  degree, 
disturb  me  ;  at  least  not  perceptibly,  cither  to  my- 
self or  others;  for  my  delight  was  in  objects  very 
different  from  any  thing  this  world  can  give,  or 
take  away.  I  dwelt  as  in  the  mount,  out  of  my 
enemy's  reach ;  and,  apparently,  out  of  danger 
from  any  evil.  Here  I  hoped  to  remain  all  the 
days  of  my  life,  and  that  I  never  should  be  moved. 

However  strange  this  relation  may  appear  to 
many,  I  believe  it  is  strictly  true.  I  am  sensible 
that  some,  who  have  no  experience  in  things  of 
this  nature,  may  smile  at  this  narrative ;  but 
others  may  bo  glad  to  see  in  it  a  relation  of  cir- 
cumstances corresponding,  perhaps,  to  their  own 
experience  of  trials  passed  through,  or  favours  re- 
ceived from  the  divine  and  all  bountiful  hand.  I 
have  no  vanity  in  penning  this  account ;  but  ra- 
ther a  fear,  lest  the  succeeding  part  of  my  life 
should  not  correspond  with  the  favours  conferred 
upon  me,  by  a  gracious  benefactor;  as  stjited  in 
the  preceding  account. 

AVhile  I  dwelt  as  on  the  mcnint,  as  before  re- 
lated, my  spiritual  eyes  were  opened ;  my  un- 


21 

derstanding  enlightened  and  enlarged.  I  tlieii 
wondered  to  see  that  the  world,  as  far  as  my 
knowledge  of  it  extended,  was  more  in  show  than 
substance;  better  in  appearance  than  in  reality; 
that  even  the  true  form  of  godliness  was  too  little 
to  be  seen.  I  liad  conceived  that  the  people 
among  whom  I  was  educated  were  better  than  the 
other  professors  of  Christianity  ;  but  when  my  eyes 
were  thus  anointed,  to  see  clearly,  I  found  very 
little  true  religion  among  them.  Primitive  purity 
appeared  to  be  very  much  lost.  1  was  affected 
with  sorrow  and  mourning,  on  account  of  the  great 
declension  among  the  professors  of  the  christian 
religion,  in  general :  for  the  more  [  was  concerned 
to  examine  the  subject,  and  sought  for  divine  wis- 
dom, the  stronger  were  my  convictions,  the  clearer 
my  views,  of  a  general  apostacy  ;  that  a  life  of  self- 
denial,  a  dwelling  under  the  cross  of  Christ,  was 
very  little  regarded. 

Before  this  period  I  had  had  a  desire  to  acquire 
a  knowledge  of  the  languages,  and  other  learning, 
and  now  my  mind  became  satisfied  that  it  would 
be  right  for  me  to  pursue  these  objects  ;  but,  be- 
fore I  give  an  account  of  my  progress  in  this  pur- 
suit, I  will  recur  to  a  subject  mentioned  before. 
It  was  said,  that  in  the  year  1727,  some  of  my 
companions  were  brought  under  a  concern  for 
their  future  happiness.  This  concern  spread,  and 
so  increased  among  the  young  people,  at  New- 


22 

Milford,  that  it  became  general.  Many  tliat  iiad 
spent  much  of  their  time  in  vanity  and  mirth, 
were,  at  this  period,  exercised  for  their  eternal 
welfare  ;  crying  out,  as  some  did  formerly,  "  What 
shall  we  do  to  be  saved  ?"  I  tiiink  there  were 
nearly  sixty  of  us,  in  about  one  year,  who  joined 
in  close  communion  with  the  Presbyterians,  in  the 
participation  of  the  bread  and  wine.  As  we  were 
faithful  in  the  discharge  of  our  duty,  as  far  as  it 
W'as  manifested  to  us,  and  endeavoured  to  advance 
in  the  path  of  virtue,  our  understandings  became 
illuminated,  so  as  to  perceive  some  things  in  a  dif- 
ferent light  from  that  in  which  they  were  seen  by 
our  fellow  professors ;  both  with  respect  to  prac- 
tical and  doctrinal  points.  Some  times  we  ven- 
tured to  mention  some  of  our  sentiments, on  subjects 
in  which  we  apprehended  there  was  a  difference 
between  us,  which  soon  involved  us  in  trouble. 

We  were  accused  of  holding  heretical  opinions  ; 
and  brought  before  the  church  to  answer  the  accu- 
sation. Neighbouring  ministers  were  called  to 
deal  with  us,  on  this  occasion  j  but  they  made  lit- 
tle of  it.  I  had  previously  stated,  in  writing,  the 
points  of  difference  between  us  ;  with  the  reasons 
for  our  dissent;  and  when  the  congregation  met 
to  deal  with  us,  I  presented  it  to  them.  Where- 
upon a  committee  was  appointed,  to  examine  the 
document,  and  to  judge  whether  it  would  be  pro- 
per to  read  it  in  that  assembly.    On  their  returni 


2^ 

they  reported  favourably ;  and  it  was  read.  When 
any  difficulty  oceurred,  I  was  desired  to  explain 
my  meanin.^,  which  I  did  accordingly.  After  it 
was  read  through,  they  sat  silent  for  some  time. 
At  length,  an  ancient  man  rose,  and  said,  "  If  this 
be  all  wherein  our  younger  brethren  are  supposed 
to  differ  from  us,  there  is  nothing  in  this  writing 
that  I  cannot  unite  with,  and  say  »  Amen'  to.*' 
Others,  of  the  foremost  rank,  expressed  the  same 
opinion ;  upon  which  it  was  concluded  that  our 
sentiments  were  not  so  heterodox  as  to  prevent 
communion  with  us.  It  was  settled  accordingly  ; 
and  we  were  pronounced  members  in  full  com- 
munion. 

But,  notwithstanding  this  conclusion,  a  report 
was  circulated,  and  generally  believed  amcmg  the 
people,  that  we  were  heretics  ;  and  I  was  consi- 
dered as  a  leader  among  them.  Some  called  us 
Quakers;  but  we  knew  notiiing  of  that  people, 
and  thought  it  as  ill  a  name  as  they  did ;  though 
we  considered  it  our  duty  patiently  to  bear  the 
reproach  cast  on  us  for  the  Truth's  sake. 

But  to  continue  the  account  of  my  proceedings 
relative  to  the  acquisition  of  learning.  I  first  went 
to  the  teacher  in  our  parish  ;  and  staid  with  him, 
as  a  scholar,  but  one  month,  until  he  refused  to 
teach  me  any  further ;  alleging,  as  a  reason  for 
his  refusal,  that  my  opinions  were  too  heretical  to 
admit  of  my  reception  into  the  college  ;  so  that  my 


24 

labour  would  be  useless ;  or,  at  least,  not  answer 
the  end  proposed.  He  was  a  weak  man;  and  had 
but  little  experience  in  religious  concerns,  in 
which  I  had  now  acquired  some  knowledge  ;  be- 
sides, he  was  not  scholar  enough  to  teach  me  to 
any  purpose;  wliich  made  me  willing  to  leave  him. 
Alter  this  I  soon  concluded  to  go  to  Danby, 
about  thirty  miles  from  my  father's  hous«',  and  to 
place  myself  under  the  tuition  of  a  teacher  whose 
name  was  Moss,  I  had  heaid  that  he  was  a  good 
scholar,  and  a  good  christian.  These  qualities  I 
thought  would  make  the  situation  ))leasant  to  mej 
and  I  was  not  disappointed.  Whilst  I  was  prepar- 
ing to  go  to  him,  1  was  suddenly  taken  sick  ;  and 
became  so  ill,  that,  in  a  few  hours,  it  aj)|)eared 
doubtful  whether  I  should  recover.  I  was  in  hope 
that  my  departure  was  at  hand  ;  though  I  did  not 
then  see  how  I  should  be  disposed  of.  Whilst  I 
was  lying  very  ill,  though  my  understanding  was 
calm  and  clear,  and  my  will  fully  resigned,  my 
niother  came  to  me,  and  asked  me  if  I  thought  I 
should  die  with  that  illness.  I  answered,  I  did  not 
know  how  that  might  be  ;  but  should  be  glad  to 
leave  this  world,  if  it  were  the  will  of  God.  After 
some  further  discourse,  my  mother  left  me  alone  ; 
and  soon  after,  my  soul  (as  1  apprehended)  depart- 
ed from  the  body.  On  which  I  was  filled  with  joy; 
concluding  I  had  done  with  this  world,  and  all  its 
troubles.    Being  now  freed  from  the  shackles  of 


25 

Inortalify,  I  went  on  rejoicing  toward  the  land  of 
bliss  with  great  alacrity  of  soul,  and  as  I  departed, 
I  thought  I  saw  my  body  lying  a  lifeless  lump  of 
matter.  But  as  I  went  forward,  1  was  met  by  some 
excellent  person  whom  I  took  to  be  the  Son  of 
God;  and  who  informed  me  that  I  must  not  go; 
saving,  «*Thou  must  return  to  the  body;  thou 
shalt  not  die  but  live,  and  declare  the  wonderful 
works  of  the  Lord."  I  was  troubled  to  think  of 
returning,  to  be  confined  to  a  body  of  clay.  How- 
ever, I  stood  still,  musing  and  waiting  for  direc- 
tion ;  when  it  appeared  to  be  my  duty  to  submit. 
I  then  said,  "  The  will  of  the  Lord  be  done,"  and 
immediately  I  was  in  the  body.  Soon  after  this, 
my  mother  came  again  into  the  room,  and  repeat- 
ed the  question  slie  had  put  to  me  before ;  to  wit, 
whether  I  thought  I  should  die  at  that  time.  I 
answered,  "  I  shall  not  die  with  this  illness." 
She  seemed  surprised  that  f  should  answer  so  po- 
sitively, and  without  hesitation ;  and  then  queried 
how  I  knew  that.  *<  For,"  said  she,  «  you  told 
me,  about  an  hour  ago,  that  you  did  not  know 
whether  life  or  death  would  be  your  lot  at  this 
time."  I  then  gave  her  an  account  of  the  circum- 
stances just  related  ;  which  satisfied  her  respect- 
ing my  confident  answer.  She  was  filled  with 
joy,  and  thankful  acknowledgment  to  the  Foun- 
tain of  all  Good,  that  I  was  restored  to  her,  and 
that  he  had  been  so  propitious  to  me  as  to  reveal 

c 


26 

his  will  in  so  clear  and  indubitable  a  manner.  At 
this  time  my  mother  and  I  were  both  Presbyte- 
rians; and  continued  in  that  profession  several 
years  after  this  event. 

Being  now  sensible  that  my  continuance  here 
was  required  for  a  longer  season,  I  became  very 
thoughtful,  lest  I  had  been  mistaken  in  supposing 
I  had  obtained  the  knowledge  of  my  divine  Mas- 
ter's will,  respecting  my  learning  the  languages, 
&c.   and  was  brought  into  a  strict  examination, 
whether  I  was  in  the  way  of  my  duty  in  making 
the   attempt ;  for  1  had  now  a  clearer  sight  that 
human  learning  was  insufficient  to  prepare  for  the 
ministry  of  the  Gospel  than  I  had  before.    Being 
humbled,  and  self  entirely  reduced,  I  was  willing, 
if  I  could  discover  that  my  attempt  was  wrong,  to 
acknowledge  my  fault  to  him  who  knoweth    all 
^things  ;  repent  of  my  rashness  ;  and  confess  my 
error  j  especially  to  those  to  whom  I  had  made 
known   my  intentions  on  the  subject.     I  had  told 
some  of  my  companions  that  I  saw  it  my  duty  to 
acquire  learning ;  and  some  considerable  time  be- 
fore there  was  any  probability  of  it,  I  had  gone  so 
far  as  to  say  that  I  should  obtain  it.    If,  therefore, 
I  had  been  mistaken,  there  was  now  great  need  of 
my  knowing  it,  and  making  proper  acknowledg- 
ments on  every  hand  ;  and  to  be  more  careful  in 
future,  not  too  easily  to  take  any  thing  for  granted, 
and  then  report  it  as  a  certainty.     During  this 


27 

sickness,  which  continuetl  about  three  weeks,  I 
earnestly  desired  that  I  might  receive  wisdom,  to 
direct  me  in  a  way  acceptable  to  the  Lord;  and 
although  I  had  a  strong  desire  for  the  acquisition 
of  knowledge,  yet  I  was  willing  to  submit  to  the 
disposing  hand  of  Providence  ;  and  durst  not  ask 
for  any  thing  but  with  entire  submission  to  the 
Divine  will ;  being  sensible  that  if  I  obtained  it  in 
any  other  disposition,  a  blessing  would  not  attend 
it.  At  length,  being  on  the  recovery,  and  very 
much  exercised  in  mind  on  the  subject,  1  had,  one 
morning,  as  1  lay  in  bed,  such  a  clear  manifesta- 
tion of  the  Divine  will  thereon,  as  left  no  doubts 
on  my  mind  respecting  the  course  I  ought  to  pur- 
sue ;  and  so  I  proceeded  to  prepare  for  admission 
into  college. 

After  this  I  soon  recovered  and  went  to  the 
teacher  at  Danby,  of  whom  1  had  heard  so  good  a 
character,  as  beforementioned.  I  was  well  satis- 
fied with  him,  as  I  believe  he  was  with  me.  He 
was  a  religious,  tender  spirited  man ;  and,  I  be- 
lieve, "  a  lover  of  good  men,"  in  the  apostle's 
sense.  After  I  had  been  with  him  some  time,  one 
of  his  congregation  said  to  him,  «<  I  understand 
you  have  a  heretic  with  you,  preparing  for  admis- 
sion into  college."  He  replied,  <'  I  wish  all  my 
congregation  were  such  heretics  as  he  is."  To 
which  his  neighbour  made  no  reply.  This  he  told 
me  himself  soon  after  it  occurred.    I  staid  with 


28 

iiim  six  months,  when  his  other  scholars  left  him; 
and  as  it  did  not  suit  him  to  attend  on  me  alone,  I 
went  to  one  Robert  Trett,  at  New-Milford,  and 
spent  about  six  months  with  him  ;  when  he  thought 
me  sufficiently  learned  for  adn)ission  into  college. 
Accordingly  I  went  there,  passed  an  examination 
in  relation  to  my  learning,  and  was  admitted  with- 
out any  mention  of  heresy. 

After  my  admission  I  endeavoured  to  keep  hum- 
ble and  to  live  in  the  Lord's  fear ;  so  as  to  be  a 
pattern  of  lowliness  of  mind.  I  was  desirous  to  be 
serviceable  to  mankind,  and  endeavoured  to  keep 
to  that  which  alone  could  qualify  for  it. 

Here  1  think  proper  to  remark,  that  in  one  re- 
spect I  was  apt  to  err,  until  experience  taught  me 
better.  This  was  talking  too  much  about  religion 
in  my  own  will  and  time.  At  length  I  found  it 
tended  to  poverty  ;  and  I  learned,  when  in  com- 
pany, not  to  be  forward  to  enter  info  any  discourse 
concerning  religion,  or  any  other  subject ;  but  to 
be  content  to  keep  silence  and  be  esteemed  a  fool ; 
until  truth  arose,  a  subject  clearly  presented,  and 
liberty  was  given  for  conversation.  Then  I  found 
a  qualification  to  speak  to  the  edification  of  others, 
and  my  own  peace  and  satisfaction.  I  mention 
this  for  the  benefit  of  others ;  being  convinced 
that  many  who  have  had  experience  of  the  truth, 
and  have  in  some  degree  witnessed  a  change  of 
lieart,  have  talked  so  much  on  religious  subjects. 


29 

that  their  souls  have  become  barren;  so  as  scarcely 
to  know  when  good  cometh. 

Now,  as  I  dwelt  under  a  humble  sense  of  my 
own  nothingness,  and  sought  for  the  direction  of 
Truth,  I  found  the  Lord  to  be  near  by  his  Spirit ; 
to  instruct  me  in  all  things  necessary  to  be  known  j 
which  were  clearly  manifested  from  time  to  time, 
as  I  was  able  to  bear  them. 

At  my  entrance  into  college  my  principles  ge- 
nerally corresponded  with  those  held  by  the  Pres- 
byterians. But  I  now  began  to  think  it  was  time 
to  examine  for  myself,  and  no  longer  trust  in  the 
judgment  of  my  forefathers.  I  found  it  necessary 
to  subject  my  principles  and  practices  to  a  strict 
scrutiny  ;  because  I  began  to  be  doubtful  of  some 
of  them.  But  I  was  convinced  that,  as  a  rational 
creature,  simply  considered,  without  a  divine  in- 
structor, I  was  not  competent  to  the  undertaking. 
I  clearly  perceived  that  all  right  understanding  in 
spiritual  concerns  must  proceed  from  the  imme- 
diate revelation  of  the  Holy  Spirit;  and  that  we 
could  not  come  to  the  knowledge  of  God,  nor  of, 
any  thing  relating  to  his  kingdom,  without  it. 

This  belief  was  very  different  from  that  held  by 
the  people  I  made  profession  with ;  so  that  I  had 
BO  assistance  from  them.  On  the  contrary,  their 
conversation,  their  preaching,  and  their  books, 
■were  against  me.  1  had  no  outward  help  but  the 
bible;  and  that  I  could  not  understand  without 

c  2 


30 

divine  assistance.  There  were  no  people  with 
whom  I  was  acquainted  who  believed  in  the  light 
of  Christ  within,  as  I  did  ;  so  that  I  had  none  to 
look  to  for  instruction,  in  any  difficulty,  but  to 
him.  But,  being  very  desirous  to  know  the  truth 
in  all  things,  I  made  application  to  him  who  I  be- 
lieve to  be  the  only  teacher  of  his  people  ;  and  as 
I  waited  upon  him  for  instruction,  my  understand- 
ing was  gradually  enlightened,  so  as  to  perceive 
many  errors  in  my  former  creed  ;  and  to  discover 
the  truth  in  opposition  to  the  doctrines  of  my  edu- 
cation. 

That  which  stood  most  in  my  way,  and  appeared 
to  be  a  grievous  hardship  to  mankind,  as  well  as 
a  great  dishonour  to  a  just  and   righteous  God, 
was  their  unconditional  election  and  reprobation  ; 
which  would,  according  to  their  apprehension  of 
it,  shut  out  the  chief  part  of  mankind  from  all  hope 
of  mercy  ;  as  they  believed  they  were  the  Lord's 
only  people,  and  that  but  few  of  otiiers  were  within 
the  pale  of  election.  Yet  I  believe  there  were  some 
amongst  them  who  had  a  more  extensive  charity. 
I  was  much  concerned  on  this  subject ;  and  being 
earnestly  desirous  to  discover  the  truth,  it  pleased 
the  Lord  to  open  my  understanding,  clearly  to 
perceive  the  error  of  this  doctrine  ;  and  I  was  ena- 
bled to  believe  tliat  Christ,  wlio  "  gave  himself  a 
ransom  for  all,"  would  "  have  all  men  to  be  saved^ 
and  come  to  the  knowledge  of  the  truth.'* 


31 

I  rejoiced  in  this  discovery ;  and  when  I  was 
fully  convinced  of  my  former  error  on  this  subject, 
I  proposed,  for  the  consideration  of  one  of  my  fel- 
low students,  whether  we  had  not  been  mistaken 
in  that  point  of  belief.  W6  reasoned  on  the  ques- 
tion many  times,  until  he  was  almost  convinced 
that  we  had  been  in  an  error  on  this  subject.  He 
did  not  then  know  that  my  sentiments  were  dif- 
ferent from  his  own  ;  but  supposed  that  I  proposed 
the  question  only  for  the  sake  of  argument,  and  to 
hear  what  could  be  said  for  and  against  it.  I  pur- 
posely hid  my  real  belief  from  him ;  apprehending 
it  not  prudent  at  that  time  to  discover  ray  genuine 
sentiments. 

By  the  time  we  were  willing  to  close  the  debate 
on  that  subject,  I  had  something  new  to  propose ; 
and  as  strange  as  new  to  my  opponent.  When  we 
were  at  leisure  from  our  studies,  we  entered  into 
debate  upon  it;  and  so,  from  time  to  time,  we 
reasoned  the  point  till  we  were  willing  to  leave  it. 
Thus,  as  things  opened  to  my  view,  and  my  mind 
became  clear  in  any  point  of  doctrine,  in  opposition 
to  my  former  belief,  I  proposed  it  for  his  consi- 
deration ;  and  so  we  reasoned  upon  it  as  long  as 
we  thought  expedient.  Thus  we  proceeded  from 
time  to  time;  debating  on  divers  points  of  doc- 
trine, until  my  opponent  was  partly  convinced  of 
the  truths  I  advanced,  and  became  satisfied  that  I 
believed  in  the  doctrines  I  produced  for  his  consi- 


32 

deration.  But  as  I  thought  it  not  a  proper  time 
lo  make  my  opinions  public,  I  advised  liim  not  to 
expose  them  at  present  j  to  which  he  consented. 
We  spent  our  leisure  time,  for  two  or  three  years, 
in  discussing  religious  subjects ;  new  to  him,  and 
I  but  recently  convinced  of  the  truth  of  them. 

I  had  before  this  period  heard  of  a  people  called 
Quakers^  but  was  unacquainted  with  any  of  them. 
As  I  had  never  seen  any  of  their  writings,  I  knew 
not  what  doctrines  they  held  ;  but  ascribe  all  my 
knowledge  in  divine  things  to  the  inward  manifes- 
tations of  grace  and  truth  ;  the  teaching  of  the 
Holy  Spirit.  It  was  Christ,  the  light  of  the  world, 
the  life  of  men,  who  opened  to  me  the  scriptures, 
and  gave  me  a  discerning  of  their  meaning ;  and, 
as  I  was  faithful  and  obedient  to  the  pointings  of 
truth,  I  was  favoured  with  further  and  clearer  dis- 
coveries thereof.  In  this  state  I  felt  desirous  that 
others  should  come  to  be  acquainted  with  it ;  and 
continued  to  give  to  my  fellow  student,  aforemen- 
tioned, my  views  on  the  various  subjects  that  pre- 
sented. We  reasoned  on  them,  as  they  were 
brought  under  consideration,  until  we  had  discus- 
sed the  principal  disputable  points  of  doctrine.  I 
do  not  remember  that  we  omitted  any  thing  that 
Robert  Barclay  had  treated  as  a  doctrinal  j)oint ; 
altliough,  at  tliat  time,  I  had  not  seen  any  of  his 
writings,  nor  ever  heard  of  them  as  I  remember. 


36 

I  have  mentioned  these  things  to  show  that  ac- 
eording  to  Christ's  declaration,  "  If  any  man  do 
his  will  he  shall  know  of  hiiiPdoctrine,  whether  it 
be  of  God  ;"*  and  that  <«  we  need  not  that  any 
man  teach  us,  hut  a^Uic  anointing  teacheth  us  of 
all  things."! 

Though  we  had  debated  all  those  points,  as  be- 
fore related,  yet,  at  leiselw  hours,  we  again  dis- 
cussed them,  and  became  much  of  one  sentiment 
on  the  various  subjects ;  as  will  appear  when  I 
come  to  relate  the  particulars  of  our  final  sepa- 
ration. 

By  this  time  I  had  some  view  of  a  false  ministry 
and  a  false  worship,  which  had  been  introduced 
into  almost  all  the  churches  of  professing  chris- 
tians, with  which  1  was  acquainted  ;  but  my  sight 
in  these  two  particulars  was  not  so  clear  as  it  was 
in  many  others  which  we  had  debated.  Although 
I  perceived  a  defect  in  the  ministry,  yet  I  did  not 
then  see  that  it  was  altogether  wrong,  nor  did  I 
then  know  that  it  was  wholly  of  the  *<  letter  that 
killeth  ;"  but  afterwards  I  obtained  a  clearer  sight 
and  knowledge  thereof.  At  this  time  I  thought  as 
a  child,  and  understood  as  a  child,  with  regard  to 
these  subjects.  And  this  was  also  my  state  re- 
specting divine  worship,  I  did  not  clearly  per- 
ceive that  all  worship  performed  in  the  will  of  the 

*  John  vu.  17.  t  1  John  u.  27. 


34 

Greature,  and  without  the  immediate  assistance  of 
the  Holy  Spirit,  was  truly  will-worship  and  ido- 
latry. But  in  process  of  time  I  clearly  perceived 
that  this  was  4;he'Ctise.  After  our  minds  were 
satisfied  on  these  points,  I  first  met  with  Barclay's 
Apology. — But  I  must  now  leave  my  class  mate 
and  our  discussions  an^^o  back  a  little. 

When  I  had  been  wcollege  about  a  year,  the 
rector,  or  chief  ruler,  sent  for  me  to  his  house  in 
order  to  converse  with  me  concerning  those  reports 
that  had  been  circulated,  of  my  being  a  heretic. 
After  I  had,  at  his  request,  seated  myself  by  him, 
he  told  me  he  had  a  desire  to  hear,  from  my  own 
mouth,  an  account  of  my  state.  Adding,  that  it 
was  not  from  an.v  dissatisfaction  in  his  own  mind 
concerning  me,  for  he  was  well  pleased  with  my 
conduct  since  I  became  one  of  their  members  j 
that  he  believed  the  reports  were  chiefly  owing  to 
misapprehension,  ignorance,  and  ill-will;  and  that 
he  wished  to  know  from  me  the  grounds  of  it.  This 
was  the  substance  of  his  communication.  I  replied, 
that  if  he  would  be  pleased  to  have  patience  with 
me,  I  would  give  him  a  plain  account,  and  be  as 
brief  as  I  well  might,  to  be  intelligible.  I  gave  a 
relation  of  my  first  setting  out  on  my  religious 
journey;  of  my  travels,  exercises  and  experience, 
to  that  day  ;  which  took  up  about  an  hour  and  a 
half,  as  1  supposed.  lie  was  all  this  time  very 
quiet  aad  attentive ,  not  giving  me  the  least  in- 


35 

terruption.  I  thought  he  listened  with  much  satis- 
factiun.  When  I  had  concluded  we  sat  silent  for 
some  time.  He  seemed  to  be  so  much  affected  that 
he  could  not  easily  speak.  After  recovering,  he 
said,  "  Ferris,  I  bless  God  for  giving  you  eyes  to 
see  what  you  see."  He  said  nothing  more  to  me, 
except  just  to  inform  me  that  he  was  well  satisfied 
with  that  opportunity,  and'^o  dismissed  me. 

I  do  not  know  that  I  concealed  from  him  any  of 
the  principles  I  held  at  the  time  he  referred  to, 
when  I  was  called  a  heretic  ;  but  I  did  not  unfold 
to  him  all  my  views  at  the  time  I  was  speaking ; 
beina:  sensible  he  could  not  bear  it.  He  was  a  sin- 
cere  professor,  and  a  lover  of  good  men,  and  after- 
wards showed  a  kind  regard  for  me  ;  saying  more 
in  my  favour  than  I  apprehend  I  deserved,  al- 
though not  more  than  he  believed  to  be  true.  And 
this  was  the  case  with  many  others  whose  expec- 
tations  of  my  future  usefulness  had  by  some  means 
been  raised  ;  in  consequence  of  which  I  was  much 
esteemed  by  the  most  worthy  class  of  people  :  but 
being  kept  humble  and  low  in  my  mind,  and  see- 
ing my  own  weakness  and  infirmity,  I  was  pre- 
served from  the  snares  of  popularity,  although  they 
made  my  trials  the  greater  j  as  will  appear  in  the 
proper  place. 

After  this  interview  with  the  rector  I  resumed 
my  studies,  which  I  pursued  with  diligence;  being 
desirous  to  be  found  in  the  way  of  my  duty  in  every 


SB 

respect  J  that  a  blessing  might  attend  ray  under- 
taking. I  was  careful  of  my  thoughts,  words  and 
actions;  endeavouring  to  be  exemplary  and  ser- 
viceable to  all  about  me. 

I  now  became  increasingly  thoughtful  on  reli- 
gious subjects.  The  doctrines  I  had  been  taught, 
and  the  way  of  worship  in  which  1  had  been  edu- 
cated, were  subjects  of  anxious  concern.  I  was 
desirous  to  ascertain  whether  they  would  bear  a 
strict  scrutiny.  On  trial  1  found  them  defective; 
and  hence  arose  the  many  debates  I  had  with  my 
class-mate,  as  before  related. 

About  the  middle  of  the  last  year  of  my  resi- 
dence at  the  college,  I  met  with  Barclay's  Apo- 
logy ;  and  after  reading  it  I  let  my  class-mate  also 
peruse  it,  with  whom  I  had  before  discussed  the 
doctrines  there  treated  of.  He  read  the  work  at- 
tentively, and  made  little  or  no  objection  to  it; 
but  told  me  Barclay's  arguments  were  unanswer- 
able. Several  other  thoughtful  scholars  to  whom 
I  lent  the  book,  after  they  had  read  it,  made  the 
same  acknowledgment,  with  very  little  objection 
or  opposition  to  the  reasoning  of  its  author. 

I  continued  at  the  college  until  near  the  time 
for  taking  my  degrees;  and  being  convinced  of  the 
errors  of  my  education  relating  to  the  doctrines 
we  held,  and  the  worship  we  performed,  I  appre- 
hended it  was  time  to  consider  what  was  best  for 
me  to  do;  and  being  favoured  to  see  that  a  quali- 


87 

ftcation  or  commission  derived  from  man  was  not 
sutlicient  for  the  gospel  ministry,  I  concluded  not 
to  take  their  degrees,  nor  depend  upon  their  au- 
thority. 

Although  I  agreed  with   Barclay  on  doctrinal 
subjects,  yet  I  knew  not  that  1  could  join  with  the 
Quakers,  or  any  other  people  with  which  I  was 
acquainted.     1  still  continued  a  member  of  the 
Presbyterian  society;  attended  their  meetings; 
and  partook  of  their  bread  and  wine.     But  I  was 
not  free  to  sing  with  them;   not  having  been,  for 
some  time  before,  in  a  condition  to  sing:   besides, 
it  did  not  appear  to  me  an  acceptable  sacrifice,  or 
any  thing  like  divine  worship,  for  a  mixed  multi- 
tude to  sing  that  of  which  they  knew  nothing  by 
experience.  My  exercise  of  mind  daily  increased; 
for  now  the  time  was  near  at  band  in  which  I  must 
leave  them.  This  was  a  day  of  trial  ;  for,  although 
at  the  commencement  of  my  religious  progress,  I 
had  forsaken  all  the  youthful  delights  and  vanities 
with  which   I  had  been  diverted,  and  had  been 
enabled  to  trample  them  all  under  my  feet,  ex- 
pecting never  again  to  encounter  such  difficulties  ; 
yet,  now  I  found  that  se(/'wasnot  sufficiently  mor- 
tified in  me.     To  be  brought  down  from  the  pin- 
nacle of  honour ;  to  be  esteemed  a  fool ;  to  be 
trampled  under  foot  by  high   and  low,  rich  and 
poor,  learned  and  unlearned,  was  hard  to  bear. 
As  1  observed  before,  I  had  been  much  esteemed  5 

D 

^051    ■ 


thoii.^h,  as  I  was  sensible,  more  than  I  deserved. 
I  knew  the  people  had  undue  expectations  of  my 
future  usefulness,  and  that  if  I  left  the  college,  as 
I  thought  it  my  duty  to  do,  my  credit  would  sink, 
and  my  honours  be  laid  in  the  dust;  and  then  in- 
stead of  being  caressed  and  exalted,  I  must  be 
neglected  and  despised. 

But  1  had  other  difficulties  to  encounter.  My 
father  looked  forward  with  hope  that  I  would  be 
an  honour  to  him  and  his  family.  He  had  promised 
to  set  me  out  in  the  world  in  the  best  manner  his 
circumstances  Mould  admit.  I  knew  that  if  I  were 
obedient  to  my  convictions  of  duty,  he  would  re- 
gard it  as  a  disgrace  to  my  family  and  connexions  ; 
and  would  be  more  likely  to  turn  me  out  of  his 
Louse,  than  in  any  way  to  assist  me.  Besides,  I 
had  heard  of  a  vacancy  for  a  minister,  and  that 
the  people  were  waiting  for  me  to  occupy  it.  The 
congregation  was  numerous  ;  a  larger  salary  was 
offered  than  any  I  knew  of  in  that  part  of  the 
country  ;  and  I  was  informed  that  the  rulers  of 
the  college  had  been  consulted  on  the  occasion. 

Here,  if  1  complied  with  my  sense  of  duty,  I 
must  "  take  up  the  cross,"  and  turn  out  naked  into 
the  world  ;  for  1  had  very  little  jiroperty  of  my 
own  ;  none  to  expect  from  my  father ;  and  no 
salary  to  support  me.  Many  would  regard  me  as 
the  off-scouring  of  all  things  ;  fit  for  nothing. 


39 

I  laboured  under  a  lively  sense  of  all  these  dif- 
ficulties. Poverty  and  disgrace  stared  me  in  the 
face  ;  and,  as  I  had  none  but  the  Lord  to  whom  I 
could  make  known  my  distress  and  discourage- 
ments; nor  any  other  of  whom  to  ask  counsel; 
I  cried  to  him  incessantly  for  wisdom,  strength 
and  fortitude ;  that  I  might  be  favoured  with  a 
clear  discovery  of  my  duty,  and  enabled  faithfully 
to  obey  him  in  all  things. 

At  this  time  my  trials  and  difficulties  were  so 
numerous,  that  I  was  ready  to  conclude  with  Job, 
that  I  should  "  die  in  my  nest.'*  I  feared  1  should 
never  be  able  to  resign  all  my  interest,  honour 
and  credit  in  the  world  ;  submit  to  a  state  of  po- 
verty ;  and  incur  the  disgrace  of  a  reputed 
heretic  !  These  difficulties  were  presented  to  my 
view,  and  magnified  to  the  highest  degree  that 
any  one  can  imagine.  In  the  height  of  my  dis- 
tress I  entered  my  closet  or  study,  and  thus  poured 
out  my  complaint  before  the  Lord  :  <*  O  Lord  !  I 
know  not  what  to  do,  in  this  day  of  deep  distress 
and  anxiety  of  soul.  I  am  not  sufficiently  clear 
respecting  my  duty  in  the  undertaking  and  exe- 
cution of  an  affair  of  so  much  importance.  All  that 
I  have  in  this  world  that  is  valuable,  and  my  ever- 
lasting happiness  also,  is  now  at  stake." 

My  present  situation  appeared  so  important^ 
that  if  I  mistook  my  course,  and  took  a  wrong  di- 
rection, all  might  be  lost  for  ever.     If  I  should  be 


40 

led  by  a  spirit  of  error  and  confusion,  I  might 
offend  my  Maker  and  my  fellow  creatures;  for 
ever  remain  in  a  dark  wilderness;  and  never  be 
restored  to  favour  with  God  or  good  men. 

Darkness  prevailed  over  me  so  far  at  that  time, 
that  I  seemed  to  be  placed  in  the  situation  of  John 
the  Baptist,  when  he  sent  two  of  his  disciples  to 
inquire  of  Christ,  <'  Art  thou  he  that  should  come, 
or  look  we  for  another  ?" — I  was  almost  ready  to 
despair,  and  to  conclude  that  I  was  altogether 
wrong  in  proposing  to  take  a  step  so  contrary  to 
reason,  as  this  now  appeared  to  be.  Thus  I  poured 
forth  my  complaint,  and  mourned  before  the  Lord. 
I  had  none  to  depend  upon  but  him,  nor  any  other 
of  whom  to  ask  counsel  in  my  distressed  circum- 
stances. My  dependance  was  wholly  on  him  for 
wisdom  and  direction,  in  this  trying  and  afflicting 
situation. 

It  is  difficult  to  conceive,  and  not  in  my  power 
to  express,  the  anxiety  of  my  mind  in  this  proving 
season ;  for  every  thing  valuable  seemed  in  dan- 
ger of  being  totally  lost.  Nevertheless,  I  cried  to 
the  Lord  for  help ;  and  covenanted  with  him,  that 
if  he  would  be  pleased  to  direct  me  in  the  way 
which  would  be  safe  for  me  to  pursue,  manifest  his 
will  therein,  and  afford  me  assistance  to  perform 
my  duties,  I  would  resign  all  to  his  disposal ;  obey 
his  will ;  no  longer  reason  with  flesh  and  blood ; 
feut  trust  to  his  providence  for  support  and  credit 


41 

ill  the  world ;  and  for  every  thing  else  he  might 
deem  best  and  most  convenient  for  me.  For  I  was 
now  clearly  convinced,  that  if  I  tlid  not  resign 
every  thing,  when  it  was  evidently  manifested  to 
be  my  duty,  I  had  nothing  to  expect  but  death,  as 
to  my  spiritual  condition. 

Whilst  I  was  thus  bemoaning  my  condition  be- 
fore the  Lord ;  waiting  upon  him  for  direction, 
with  ardent  prayers  for  his  assistance  and  wisdom 
to  guide  me  in  the  right  way,  He  was  graciously 
pleased  to  show  me  that  he  was  about  to  bring  the 
church  out  of  the  wilderness,  or  wandering  state, 
in  which  she  had  long  been  destitute  of  the  true 
leader.  And  he  made  it  clearly  known  to  me  that 
it  was  his  will  1  should  go  forth,  and  be  an  instru- 
ment in  his  hand  for  the  accomplishment  of  this 
design. 

As  soon  as  I  was  satisfied  on  these  points,  I  rea- 
soned not  with  flesh  and  blood,  but  immediately 
gave  up  to  the  heavenly  vision.  I  then  went  to 
the  chief  ruler  of  the  college,  and  obtained  his  per- 
mission to  go  home ;  but  I  told  no  one  my  reasons 
for  this  procedure. 

This  was  a  trying  time.  I  was  about  to  take 
an  important  step.  Like  Gideon,  I  was  desirous 
to  «  turn  the  fleece ;"  to  wait  in  rptirement  for 
wisdom,  maturely  to  consider  this  weighty  under- 
taking, which  now  pressed  heavily  on  my  mind. 
After  staying  at  home  about  three  weeks,  the  will 

d2 


42 

«!:'  my  divine  Master,  relating  to  my  removal  from 
college,  was  satisfactorily  manifested.  Without 
making  known  my  purpose,  I  returned  to  the  col- 
lege and  settled  my  affairs,  in  order  to  leave  it. 
Whilst  I  was  preparing  to  depart,  a  report  was 
spread  among  the  scholars  that  I  was  turned  Qua- 
ker; and  was  going  to  leave  them.  Yet  I  did  not 
hear  that  any  of  them  uttered  a  hard  or  railing 
word  against  me.  The  rector,  Elisha  Williams, 
took  an  opportunity  to  converse  with  me.  He  was 
very  moderate,  hut  said  he  was  sorry  for  my  con- 
clusion J  that,  heretofore,  he  had  entertained  a 
good  opinion  of  me,  and  an  expectation  that  I 
would  be  useful  in  my  day  j  but  now  his  hopes 
were,  in  great  measure,  frustrated.  We  had  much 
conversation  on  the  subject ;  he  signified  he  did 
not  give  me  up  for  lost.  He  appeared  serious,  and 
we  parted  good  friends. 

As  the  time  for  my  departure  drew  near,  being 
wholly  resigned  to  the  Lord's  will,  the  cloud  was 
removed  from  my  tabernacle ;  my  sight  was  clear  ; 
my  courage  returned  ;  and  the  mountains,  whose 
tops  so  lately  appeared  to  reach  the  clouds,  were 
all  laid  as  level  as  a  plain ;  the  sea  was  driven 
back  ;  so  that  there  was  nothing  to  interrupt  my 
passage.  I  went  over  all,  as  on  dry  land,  and  not 
a  dog  was  suffered  to  move  a  tongue  against 
me.  Then  was  my  soul  filled  with  living  praise; 
thanksgiving  and  rejoicing  in  the  Lord  ;  who  had 


4S 

triumphed  gloriously.  lie  was  my  strength,  my 
song,  and  my  salvation.  The  deeps  covered  my 
enemies ;  they  sank  to  the  bottom  as  a  stone.  The 
right  hand  of  the  Lord  was  glorious  in  power ; 
and  I  sang  his  praises  ;  for  he  was  worthy  ;  hav- 
ing done  great  things  for  me. 

Before  I  left  college  I  told  the  rector  of  my  in- 
tentions, and  that  I  did  not  know  that  I  should 
return ;  but  if  I  should  change  my  mind,  and  wish 
to  take  a  degree,  if  it  would  be  permitted,  per- 
haps I  might  come  back  for  that  purpose  :  if  I 
should  conclude  not  to  return,  I  would  write  to 
him  and  give  my  reasons  for  such  conclusion.  He 
replied,  and  told  me  I  should  be  welcome  to  a  de- 
gree ;  and  that  it  would  give  them  pleasure  to 
grant  me  one. 

While  I  was  preparing  for  my  journey,  my 
class-mate,  before  mentioned,  being  desirous  to 
ride  one  day  with  me,  obtained  permission.  The 
rector  told  him,  that  I  might,  perhaps,  instill  bad 
principles  into  him,  and  lead  him  astray.  To 
which  my  friend  replied,  *•'  I  have  lived  a  great 
part  of  the  time  since  I  came  to  the  college  with 
him,  and  I  believe  he  has  done  me  no  harm ;  but 
contrariwise."  Then,  having  bidden  them  all 
farewell,  we  departed. 

I  thought  it  a  favour  that  one  of  my  fellows 
who  was  in  good  credit,  and  esteemed  none  of 
the  least  in  the  college,  should  be  willing  so  far 


44 

to  take  up  the  cross,  as  to  accompany  me,  who 
was  deemed  a  heretic,  a  Quaker,  or  they  knew 
not  what ;  hut  feeling  a  degree  of  love  for  me,  it 
made  him  fearless  of  shame  or  any  disgrace  that 
might  ensue. 

As  we  rode  along,  we  discussed  all  the  doctrines 
which  we  had  formerly  debated  ;  and  he  appeared 
almost  as  much  convinced  of  the  truth  of  my  sen- 
timents as  I  was.  Near  night,  when  we  were 
about  to  separate,  he  said,  "  Ferris,!  believe  you 
are  right  in  leaving  the  college.  I  believe  your 
principles  are  sound  and  good  j  but  I  do  not  see, 
at  present,  that  I  am  called  to  do  as  you  have 
done.  If,  at  any  time  hereafter,  I  should  see  it 
to  be  my  duty  to  follow  your  example,  I  purpose 
to  have  no  will  of  my  own ;  but  submit  and  obey 
the  will  of  my  Master.'*  We  bade  each  other  fare- 
well, and  I  saw  him  no  more  ;  but  I  afterwards 
heard  that  to  follow  my  example  was  a  cross  too 
heavy  for  him  to  bear.  He  took  to  preaching  for 
a  living  among  the  Presbyterians  ;  and  never  left 
them  to  my  knowledge. 

After  I  had  parted  with  my  companion,  I  went 
on  to  New-Milford,  where  my  parents  and  rela- 
tions resided.  About  three  weeks  afterwards,  I 
went  to  a  yearly  meeting  of  the  people  called 
Quakers  on  Long- Island  ;  in  order  to  discover 
whether  they  were  a  living  people  or  not  -,  for  a 
living  people  I  wished  to  find.    I  had  thought  for 


45 

several  years  before  that  there  ought  to  be  sueli 
a  people;  a  people  who  had  life  in  them,  and 
abounded  in  love  to  each  other,  as  did  the  primi- 
tive christians ;  a  people  who  knew  they  had 
passed  from  death  unto  life,  by  their  love  to  the 
brethren.  Here  I  gathered  strength,  and  was 
more  confirmed  that  I  was  right  in  leaving  the 
college ;  for  I  found  a  living,  humble,  heavenly 
minded  people;  full  of  love  and  good  works; 
such  a  one  a^  I  had  never  seen  before.  I  rejoiced 
to  find  that  which  I  had  been  seeking ;  and  soon 
owned  them  to  be  the  Lord's  people  ;  the  true 
church  of  Christ ;  according  to  his  own  descrip- 
tion of  it;  where  be  says,  <«  By  this  shall  all  men 
know  that  ye  are  my  disciples,  if  ye  love  one  an- 
other." I  also  found  they  held  and  believed  the 
same  doctrines,  the  truth  of  which  had  been  mani- 
fested to  me  immediately  by  the  Holy  Spirit. 
Being  the  same  that  Robert  Barclay  had  laid 
down  and  well  defended  in  his  Apology.  Before 
I  had  read  this  work,  I  did  not  know  there  was  a 
people  on  earth  who  believed  and  lived  in  the 
truth,  as  described  by  Barclay  ;  but  here  I  found 
a  numerous  society  wlio  held  the  same  truths,  and 
lived  an  humble,  self-denying  life ;  becoming  the 
character  of  christians.  I  was  indubitably  satis- 
fied that  their  worship  was  in  spirit  and  in  truth; 
and  they  such  worshippers  as  the  Father  sought 
and  owned.    I  was  convinced,  beyond  a  doubt^ 


46 

that  they  preached  the  gospel  in  the  demonstra~ 
tion  of  the  spirit ;  and  divine  authority  was  felt 
to  attend  their  ministry.  They  were  not  like  the 
scribes,  to  whom  I  had  been  listeninp;  all  my  life  ; 
who  had  neither  commission  nor  authority,  except 
that  which  was  received  from  man  ;  being  such 
as  the  Lord  never  sent ;  and  therefore  could  not 
profit  the  people  they  professed  to  teach.  I  now 
clearly  saw  the  difference  between  man-made 
ministers,  and  those  whom  the  Lord  qualifies  and 
sends  into  his  harvest  field  ;  the  difference  be- 
tween the  wheat  and  the  chaff;,  and  it  was  mar- 
vellous to  me,  to  reflect  how  long  1  had  sat  under 
a  formal,  dry  and  lifelesss  ministry. 

At  the  meeting  before  mentioned,  there  were 
several  eminent  ministers  from  Europe,  both 
male  and  female.  I  there  heard  women  preach 
the  gospel,  in  the  divine  authority  of  truth  ;  far 
exceeding  all  the  learned  rabbles  [  had  known. 
This  was  not  so  strange  to  me  as  it  might  have 
been  to  others ;  for  I  had  before  seen,  by  the  im- 
mediate manifestation  of  grace  and  truth,  that 
women,  as  well  as  men,  might  bo  clothed  with 
gospel  power  j  and  that  daughters  as  well  as  sons, 
under  the  gospel  dispensation,  were  to  have  the 
spirit  poured  upon  them,  that  they  might  pro- 
phesy :  and  thougli  I  had  never  before  heard  a 
woman  preach,  yet  I  now  rejoiced  to  sec  the  pro- 
phecy fulfilled. 


4*? 

After  I  returned  home  from  the  yearly  mepting, 
I  wrote  a  letter  to  the  rector  of  the  college,  in- 
forming him  that  I  had  determined  not  to  return; 
and  that  I  could  not,  with  freedom,  take  any  au- 
thority that  man  could  give.  1  also  informed  him, 
that  since  I  left  them,  I  had  heard  women  preach 
the  gospel  far  better  than  any  learned  man  1  had 
ever  heard. 

Having  now  left  the  college,  and  separated 
myself  from  the  people  among  whom  I  had  been 
educated,  I  saw  great  cause  of  thankfulness  to 
the  Author  of  all  good ;  who  had  revealed  to  me 
the  errors  of  my  youth,  and  the  falsity  of  the  doc- 
trines imbibed  in  my  education  ;  who  had  made 
known  to  me  his  truth  and  people  ;  so  that  I  had 
no  doubts  remaining.  It  now  became  my  prin- 
cipal concern  that  I  might  be  enabled  to  walk  in 
the  truth,  and  witness  the  Holy  Spirit  to  lead  me 
on  my  way. 

In  this  state  I  admired  the  boundless  goodness, 
the  infinite  kindness,  and  tender  mercy  of  a  gra- 
cious God,  in  effecting  my  late  deliverance  ;  espe- 
cially when  I  considered  how  tempestiious  were 
the  seas,  and  how  the  billows  rolled  over  me ; 
how  the  mountains  of  opposition  raised  their  lofty 
heads  to  stop  my  passage  ;  and  again,  in  a  short 
time,  how  the  winds  and  seas  were  hushed  and 
still ;  and  how  the  mountains  became  a  perfect 
plain  !     1  truly  found  as  great  cause  to  sing  upon 


48 

the  bahks  of  deliverance,  as  Israel  did  of  old,  when 
they  had  passed  through  the  sea  on  iivy  ground  ; 
and  had  turned  about  and  seen  their  enemies  dead 
on  the  shore.  I  rejoiced  in  the  Lord,  and  satig 
praises  to  Him,  who  for  me  had  done  marvellous 
things;  who  had  made  me  acquainted  with  his 
blessed  truth ;  and  at  length  gave  me  ability  to 
trample  the  world,  and  all  its  riches,  honours  and 
pleasures,  under  my  feet ;  to  submit  to  the  cross 
of  Christ ;  and  be  willing  to  be  accounted  a  fool 
of  all  men.  For  which  favours  I  felt  myself  under 
great  obligations  to  my  gracious  Benefactor. 

I  will  now  return  to  a  former  part  of  my  narra- 
tive, and  give  some  account  of  my  reception  by 
my  relatives.  After  I  had  parted  with  my  class- 
mate, on  my  way  home  from  college,  I  heard  that 
my  father  had  received  intelligence  of  ray  inten- 
tions, and  was  much  dissatisfied  with  my  proceed- 
ings ;  saying,  «  If  the  accounts  1  have  heard  be 
true,  I  desire  he  may  never  come  to  my  house 
again."  Being  thus  informed,  I  went  to  my  bro- 
ther's. After  some  days  1  went  to  see  my  father. 
He  would  not  speak  to  me  ;  but  turned  and  passed 
away  without  taking  notice  of  me.  in  a  few  days 
afterwards  1  went  a  second  time;  but  he  still  re- 
fused to  speak  to  me.  After  a  few  days  I  went  the 
third  time,  and  met  him  at  the  door,  and  asked 
after  his  health  ;  at  the  same  time  pulling  off  my 
bat  J  (for  at  that  time  1  was  not  convinced  of  the 


49 

necessity  of  bearing  a  testimony  against  hat- 
honour;)  he  replied,  he  was  not  very  well,  and 
passed  away.  I  then  went  into  the  house,  and  my 
father  returning,  we  sat  down  and  entered  into 
conversation.  He  said  he  had  heard  I  had  left 
the  college  and  turned  Quaker.  In  reply  1  told 
him,  it  had  been  my  endeavour  for  some  years 
past,  to  follow  my  divine  Leader,  and  tliat  I  still 
endeavouied  to  attend  to  the  sauje  Guide  ;  and 
follow  whithersoever  he  might  lead  me ;  that  I 
apprehended  he  had  led  me  to  leave  the  college, 
and  forsake  the  way  of  my  education  ;  and  it 
was  possible  that  the  same  Guide  might  some  time 
lead  me  to  join  the  people  called  Quakers  ;  but 
that,  as  yet,  I  knew  but  little  of  them.  After 
some  time  spent  in  ccmversation  of  this  kind,  my 
father  queried  what  need  there  was  to  forsake  the 
way  of  my  education  ;  <*for,"  said  he,  <*  the  Lord 
has  favoured  you,  and  been  with  you  in  the  Pres- 
byterian way  ;  so  that  if  you  continue  to  fear  and 
serve  him  in  that  way,  you  may  do  well ;  and  will, 
no  doubt,  end  in  peace."  I  answered,  it  was  true 
I  had  been  much  favoured  under  my  former  pro- 
fession ;  the  Lord  had  been  near  me,  and  his  living 
presence  with  me.  He  had  led  and  guided  me  by 
his  good  Spirit,  and  had  revealed  his  will  to  me 
far  beyond  any  thing  1  had  deserved,  or  could  have 
expected ;  and  I  still  desired  to  follow  that  Teacher 
who  had  never  led  me  astray  ,•  but  had  brought 


50 

me,  step  by  step,  from  one  degree  of  experience 
to  another,  until  I  was  obliged  to  leave  the  col- 
lege; and  bear  a  testimony  against  the  formal  pro- 
fession 1  had  made;  and  thus  he  had  led  me  to  the 
present  time. 

Thus  we  conversed  for  some  hours;  my  father 
raising  objections  to  the  Quakers,  and  my  joining 
with  them.  But,  through  divine  assistance,  (with 
which  I  think  1  was  favoured,)  I  was  enabled  fully 
to  answer  all  his  objections  ;  so  that  he  was  willing 
to  leave  the  subject ;  and  became  moderate,  and, 
apparently,  more  easy  in  his  mind.  From  that 
time,  during  the  remainder  of  his  life,  although  he 
had  many  opportunities,  he  never  entered  into 
any  arguments  with  rac  on  religious  subjects  ;  but 
was  always  kind  and  affectionate.  1  thought  he 
concluded  I  might  do  well  in  the  way  he  found  me, 
and  so  remained  satisfied. 

After  I  had  been  some  time  at  home,  new  objec- 
tions arose  in  my  mind  against  a  compliance  with 
the  customs  of  those  among  whom  I  resided ; 
such  as  bowing  and  scraping;  putting  off  the  hat; 
saying,  **  Your  servant,  sir,  madam,  &c."  and 
against  using  the  ungrammatical,  corrupt  lan- 
guage of  <'you"  to  a  single  person.  Although,  in 
past  years,  I  had  known  various  exercises,  and 
thought  I  had  learned  many  hard  lessons,  yet  I 
found  much  in  me  that  required  mortification,  and 
that  I  yet  had  many  things  to  learn.     To  r«fuse 


51 

the  use  of  the  plural  language  to  a  single  person, 
although  it  seemed  a  small  matter,  yet  I  found  it 
hard  to  submit  to  it.     I  was  convinced,  that  the 
common  mode  of  speaking  in  the  plural  numher  to 
a  single  person,  was  a  violation  of  the  rules  of 
grammar,  and  unscriptural.     I  also  believed  the 
pride  of  man  had  introduced  the  custom,  yet  I 
thought  it  was  not  necessary  to  make  myself  ridi- 
culous to  all  about  me  for  a  matter  of  so  small  im- 
portance.   So  long,  therefore,  as  no  necessity  was 
laid  upon  me  to  take  up  the  cross  in  that  respect, 
I  continued  to  use  the  language  of  my  education. 
Yet  I  used  compliments  sparingly ;  because,  the 
disuse  of   them  was    not  so  observable.     How- 
ever, it  was  not  long  before  I  found  it  my  duty  to 
say  «Thee"  and  *'Thou"  to  every  individual.  Ne- 
vertheless, I  found  an  inclination  or  temptations© 
to  turn  the  conversation  as  to  shun  this  mode  of 
speech  j  yet  this  did  not  afford  peace.     Small  as 
the  matter  appeared,  I  could  not  be  easy  without 
being  entirely  faithful  in  every  respect ;  and  my 
duty  in  this  particular  being  clearly  manifested, 
I  reasoned  no  longer  with  flesh  and  blood ;  but  sub- 
mitted to  the  requiring.     It  was  a  rule  with  me  to 
do  nothing  of  this  kind  by  imitation ;  but,  when 
any  thing  was  required  of  me,  to  submit ;  and  thus 
I  obtained  peace. 

About  this  time,  several  scholars  coming  from 
the  college,  invited  me  to  accompany  them  on  a 


52 

visit  to  the  minister  in  our  settlement ;  and  ac» 
eordingly  I  went  with  them.  We  waliied  with  our 
hats  under  our  arms,  and  so  entered  the  house. 
Just  as  we  were  about  to  depart,  I  was  required 
to  bear  a  testimony'  against  the  hat  honour.  Sol 
rose,  put  on  my  hat,  went  to  the  priest,  and  bade 
Lim  farewell,  without  putting  my  hand  to  it,  or 
bowing  my  body.  This  being  the  first  time  I  had 
refused  these  compliments,  it  was  a  close  trial  5 
and  it  appeared  remarkable,  that  it  should  be  re- 
quired of  me  at  such  a  time,  and  in  such  company : 
but  neither  the  priest,  nor  my  companions,  took 
notice  of  it,  so  as  to  make  any  remark.  My  obe- 
dience afforded  me  great  peace  ;  and,  by  yielding 
to  these  inward  motions  of  the  sure  Guide,  in  small 
things,  I  gained  strength ;  and  was  more  and  more 
confirmed  that  I  was  right  in  making  such  a 
change. 

I  now  began  to  lay  aside  some  of  the  superflui- 
ties of  my  dress,  and  to  appear  like  a  Quaker ; 
believing  it  was  required  of  me  not  to  hide  myself 
in  any  respect ;  but  boldly  to  bear  a  testimony  to 
the  truth;  so  far  as  it  was  clearly  manifested  to 
me.  I  did  not  then  wonder  that  people  admired 
at  our  folly,  (as  they  think  it  to  be,)  in  making  our- 
selves a  laughing-stock  and  by-word,  by  our  sin- 
gularities ;  because,  so  it  appeared  to  me  but  a 
short  time  before  I  was  obliged  to  submit  to  it.  I 
loved  the  honour  and  esteem  of  men,  as  well  as 


53 

others;  and  would  have  enjoyed  it,  if  I  could  have 
had  it  with  peace  of  mind  ;  but  that  is  not  allowed 
in  the  school  of  Christ,  where  nothing  will  do  with- 
out self-denial  and  taking  up  the  daily  cross;  and 
if,  on  our  part,  there  be  a  full  submission  in  every 
respect,  I  can  say,  from  experience,  that  our  peace 
will  flow  as  a  river. 

Having  left  the  college  without  taking  a  degree, 
it  was  probable  I  should  have  no  salary  to  depend 
on  for  subsistence.  I  had  disobliged  my  father, 
and  of  course  had  nothing  to  expect  from  him  ; 
and  I  had  but  little  of  my  own  to  support  me.  And 
now,  being  come  to  the  twenty-fifth  year  of  ray 
age,  I  began  to  think  it  necessary  to  use  some 
endeavours  to  obtain  a  livelihood.  I  had  for  seve- 
ral years  before  this  period  thought  I  should  go 
to  reside  in  Pennsylvania  ;  and  this  prospect  now 
opened  so  clearly,  that  I  was  inclined  to  believe  it 
was  my  duty  to  go  there.  I  accordingly  made 
ready  and  went,  in  company  with  three  minister- 
ing friends  from  Europe,  then  on  a  religious  visit 
to  America.  We  arrived  in  Philadelphia  about 
the  middle  of  the  Sixth  month,  1733. 

Here  ends  that  part  of  my  narrative  which  was 
written  in  my  youth  in  the  Latin  language. 

As  I  observed  before,  I  arrived  in  Philadelphia 
in  1733.  I  concluded  that  if  I  could  establish  my- 
self in  business  that  would  be  likely  to  answer,  I 
would,  for  some  time,  make  the  city  my  residence. 

£  2 


54 

After  the  yearly  meeting  was  over,  and  I  had  be- 
come a  little  acquainted  with  Friends,  and  known 
among  them,  I  proposed  to  open  a  school,  to  teach 
the  Latin  and  Greek  languages.  But,  as  I  was  a 
stranger,  and  those  children  that  were  intended 
to  be  taught  these  languages  were  mostly  entered 
in  other  schools,  I  was  doubtful  whether  I  should 
be  able  to  get  a  sufficient  number  of  sucli  scholars. 
I  therefore  agreed  to  teach  English  also  ;  and,  in 
time,  I  had  a  school,  of  both  sexes,  sufficiently 
large  for  my  support. 

Being  a  stranger,  I  consequently  met  with  trials 
and  difficulties.  For  a  while  my  school  was  small 
and  not  likely  to  support  me ;  but  I  endeavoured 
to  be  resigned,  and  repose  with  confidence  in  an 
all-sufficient  Providence,  from  whom  I  had  often 
received  help  in  times  of  great  trial.  My  difficul- 
ties were  increased  by  the  low  state  of  my  funds. 
The  weather  was  now  beginning  to  grow  cold.  It 
was  customary  for  the  teacher  to  find  wood  for 
fuel,  and  for  the  scholars  to  pay  a  proportion  of 
the  expense,  when  they  paid  for  their  quarter's 
tuition ;  and  as  1  had  but  few  scholars,  and  no 
money  yet  due,  and  not  two  shillings  of  my  own 
remaining,  1  was  very  thoughtful  how  to  procure 
wood.  No  one  knew  the  state  of  my  purse  ;  nor 
did  I  desire  to  make  it  known ;  and  this  I  should 
do  if  I  attempted  to  borrow.  I,  therefore,  omitted 
to  buy,  as  long  as  I  well  could.     1  did  not  like  to 


55 

ask  for  credit ;  and  if  I  did,  it  was  doubtful  whe- 
ther I  should  obtain  it ;  so  that  I  was  closely  tried. 
But,  while  I  was  under  this  exercise,  the  weather 
was  more  moderate  than  usual  at  that  season. 
After  I  had  been  sufficiently  tried,  to  prove  ray 
faith   and   confidence    in   divine    Providence,    a 
Friend  came  into  my  school,  and  privately  gave 
me  twenty  shillings;*  which,  he  said,  had  been 
sent  by  a  Friend,  who  did  not  wish  to  be  known 
as  the  donor.     For  this  unexpected  favour,  I  was 
thankful  to  the  Lord,  whose  mercies  endure  for 
ever.     Having  now  the  means,  I  soon  purchased 
some  wood  ;  and  the  weather,  in  a  short  time,  be- 
coming colder,  I  had  a  renewed  sense  of  the  kind- 
ness  of  Providence,  who  had  so  seasonably  relieved 
me.    But  afterwards,  when  my  stock  of  wood  was 
nearly  exhausted,  I  was  brought  into  the  same 
difficulty  and  trial,  as  before  ;  and  as  much  needed 
a  renewal  of  my  faith.     I  strove  to  be  quiet,  and 
to  have  my  dependence  placed  on  Him  who  fed 
a  great  multitude  with  a  few  loaves  and  little 
fishes ;  and  just  as  I  began  to  suffer,  another 
twenty  shilling  bill  was  privately  presented  to  me 
by  an  unknown  hand ;  but  I  received  it  as  coming 
from  the  Lord,  who  knew  all  my  difficulties. 

Thus  was  I  again  relieved ;  and  never,  after- 
wards, received  any  thing  more  in  this  way  ;  nor 

♦Twenty  shillings  in  1733,  would,  probably,  be  equally  valu- 
ible  with  ten  dollars  in  1825, 


56 

did  I  ever  need  it ;  as  I  was  suiRciently  supplied 
by  the  proceeds  of  my  business.  This  was  a  con- 
firmation to  me,  that  I  had  been  assisted  by  a 
watchful  Providence,  who  knows  all  states  and 
conditions,  both  internal  and  external ;  and  is  able 
and  willing  to  turn  the  hearts  of  his  people,  and 
constrain  them  to  help  the  needy  ;  as,  formerly, 
he  sent  the  ravens  to  feed  the  prophet. 

I  have  made  these  few  remarks  for  the  sake  of 
those  who  may  be  in  similar  circumstances,  and 
stand  in  need  of  faith  and  confidence  in  the  care 
of  divine  Providence,  over  his  dependent  people ; 
desiring  they  may  afford  them  encouragement  to 
put  their  trust  wholly  in  the  Lord,  and  not  faint 
in  the  day  of  inward  or  outward  trials. 

After  I  had  been  about  six  months  in  Philadel- 
phia, I  requested  to  be  taken  into  membership 
with  Friends  ;  and  was,  accordingly,  received. 
Some  time  after  I  had  Joined  the  Society,  I  began 
to  think  of  settling  myself,  and  to  marry,  when 
the  way  should  appear  without  obstruction ;  which 
was  not  then  the  case.  I  considered  marriage  to 
be  the  most  important  concern  in  this  life.  ♦< Mar- 
riage," said  the  apostle,  "  is  honourable  in  all.'* 
I  concluded  he  meant  that  it  was  honourable  to  all 
who  married  from  pure  motives,  to  the  right  ptr- 
son,  and  in  the  proper  way  and  time,  as  divine 
Providence  should  direct.  I  believed  it  best  for 
most  men  to  marry  -,  and  that  there  was,  for  each 


57 

man,  one  woman  that  would  suit  him  better  thau 
any  other.  It  appears  to  me  essential  that  all  men 
should  seek  for  wisdoiiif  and  wait  for  it,  to  guide 
them  in  this  important  undertaking;  because,  no 
man,  without  divine  assistance,  is  able  to  discover 
who  is  the  right  person  for  him  to  marry  ;  but  the 
Creator  of  both  can  and  will  direct  him.  And 
why,  in  such  an  important  concern,  should  we  not 
seek  for  counsel,  as  well  as  in  matters  of  minor 
consequence  ?  There  is,  moreover,  greater  dan- 
ger of  erring  in  this  than  in  some  other  concerns, 
from  our  being  too  impatient  to  wait  for  the  point- 
ings of  divine  Wisdom  ;  lest,  by  so  doing,  we  might 
lose  some  supposed  benefit.  It  is  common  for 
young  people  to  think  and  say,  «'  I  would  not 
marry  such  a  person  ;  for  certain  reasons  :  such 
as  the  want  of  beauty,  wit,  education,"  &c. ;  and  to 
affirm  that  they  could  not  love  such  a  one ;  but 
we  may  err  by  an  over- hasty  conclusion,  as  well 
as  by  any  other  neglect  of  our  true  Guide. 

I  now  propose  to  give  some  hints  of  my  own  pro- 
ceedings in  this  concern.  Near  the  place  of  my 
residence  there  lived  a  comely  young  woman,  of 
a  good,  reputable  family  ;  educated  in  plainness; 
favoured  with  good  natural  talents  :  and  in  good 
circumstances.  Every  view  of  the  ease  was  fa- 
vourable to  my  wishes. 

By  some  hints  I  liad  received,  it  appeared  pro- 
bable that  my  addresses  would  be  agreeable  to 


58 

Iier;  and  some  of  my  best  friends  urged  the 
attempt.  From  inattention  to  my  heavenly  Guide, 
1  took  the  hint  from  man ;  and  foHowing  my  own 
inclination,  I  moved  without  asking  my  divine 
Master's  advice,  I  went  to  spend  an  evening  with 
the  young  woman,  if  I  should  find  it  agreeable 
when  there.  Slie  and  her  mother  were  sitting 
together ;  and  no  other  person  present.  They 
received  me  in  a  friendly  manner;  but  1  think  I 
had  not  chatted  with  them  more  than  half  an  hour, 
before  I  heard  something,  like  a  still  small  voice, 
saying  to  me,  "  Seekest  Ihou  great  things  for  thy- 
self?— seek  them  not."  This  language  pierced 
me  like  a  sword  to  the  heart.  It  so  filled  me  with 
confusion,  that  I  was  unfit  for  any  further  conver- 
sation. I  endeavoured  to  conceal  my  disorder ; 
and  soon  took  my  leave,  without  opening,  to  either 
the  mother  or  her  daughter,  the  subject  which  had 
led  me  to  visit  them.  And  I,  afterwards,  had  sub- 
stantial reason  to  think  it  was  well  for  me  that  I 
had  failed  in  this  enterprize. 

I  was  so  confused  and  benumbed  by  this  adven- 
ture, that  I  did  not  recover  my  usual  state  for 
several  months  ;  though  I  could  not  suddenly  see 
that  my  error  was  acting  without  permission  ;  but 
began  to  suppose  that  1  sliould  never  be  suffered 
to  marry  ;  and  should  have  to  pass  my  life  with- 
out a  companion,  or  a  home.  1  endeavoured  to  be 
resigned  to  this  view 5  supposing  it  was  the  Lord's 


59 

will ;  but,  for  several  months,  it  wns  a  severe 
trial.  At  length  1  was  brought  to  submit,  and 
say,  **  Amen."  This  simple  account  of  my  visit 
to  that  young  woman,  is  designed  as  a  warning  to 
others ;  that  they  may  shun  the  snare  into  which 
I  was  so  near  falling. 

I  shall  now  relate  another  of  my  movements, 
with  respect  to  marriage,  which  I  believe  was  a 
right  one  ;  as  it  terminated  to  lasting  satisfaction. 
It  may  appear  strange  to  some  :  as  if  [  married 
in  the  cross  ;  and,  I  suppose,  few  will  be  inclined 
to  follow  my  example.  Yet,  if  the  divine  Teacher 
of  truth  and  righteousness  be  attended  to,  it  may 
be  the  lot  of  some.  After  I  had  been  much  mor- 
tified and  humbled,  under  a  sense  of  my  former 
mis-step,  I  went,  one  day,  to  a  Friend's  house  to 
dine.  As  I  sat  at  the  table,  1  observed  a  young 
wo?nan  sitting  opposite  to  me,  whom  1  did  not  re- 
member ever  to  have  seen  before.  My  attention, 
at  that  time,  being  otherwise  engaged,  I  took  very 
little  notice  of  her ;  but  a  language  very  quietly, 
and  very  pleasantly,  passed  through  my  mind,  on 
this  wise,  ♦♦  If  thou  wilt  marry  that  young  woman, 
thou  shalt  be  happy  with  her."  There  was  such 
a  degree  of  divine  virtue  attending  the  intimation, 
that  it  removed  all  doubt  concerning  its  origin  and 
Author.  I  took  a  view  of  her,  and  thought  she  was 
a  goodly  person  ;  but,  as  we  moved  from  the  table, 
I  perceived  she  was  lame.  The  cause  of  her  lame- 


80 

ness  I  knew  not ;  but  was  displeased  that  I  should 
have  a  cripple  allotted  to  me.  It  was  eloar  to  me, 
beyond  all  doubt,  that  the  language  1  had  heard 
was  trum  heaven  ;  but  1  presumptuously  thought 
I  would  ratl)er  choose  for  myself.  The  next  day 
the  subject  was  calmly  presented  to  my  mind,  like 
a  query,  »*  Why  shouldst  thou  despise  her  for  her 
lameness  ?  it  may  be  no  fault  of  hers.  Thou  art 
favoured  with  sound  limbs,  and  a  capacity  for 
active  exertion;  and  would  it  not  be  kind  and  be- 
nevolent in  thee,  to  bear  a  part  of  her  infirmity, 
and  to  sympathize  with  her?  She  may  be  affec- 
tionate and  kind  to  thee ;  and  thou  shalt  be  happy 
in  a  compliance  with  thy  duty."  Notwithstanding 
all  this,  1  continued  to  reason  against  these  con- 
Tictions  ;  alleging  that  it  was  more  than  I  could 
bear.  The  enemy  of  my  happiness  was  busily 
engaged,  in  raising  arguments  against  a  compli- 
ance with  my  duty.  Suggesting  that  it  was  an 
unreasonable  thing  that  1  should  be  united  to  a 
lame  wife  ;  and  that  every  one  who  knew  me, 
would  admire  at  my  folly.*  Thus,  from  day  to 
day,  and  week  to  week,  I  reasoned  against  it ; 
until,  at  length,  my  kind  Benefactor,  in  a  loving 
and  benevolent  manner,  opened  to  my  view,  that, 
if  I  were  left  to  choose  for  myself,  and  to  take  a 

•  The  author's  person  was  rather  uncommonly  good,  and  it 
i»  probable  he  might  have  thought  too  highly  of  personal  ex- 
cellence. 


61 

wife  to  please  my  fancy,  she  might  be  an  affliction 
to  me  all  the  days  of  my  life  ;  and  lead  me  astray, 
so  as  to  endanger  my  future  happiness.     Or  she 
might  fall  into  vicious  practices;  notwithstanding 
that,  at  the  time  of  her  marriage,  she  might  be 
apparently  virtuous  ;  it  was,  therefore,  unsafe  to 
trust  to  my  natural  understanding.    On  the  other 
hand,  here  was  a  companion  provided  for  me  by- 
unerring  Wisdom ;  so  that  I  might  rely  with  safety 
on  the  choice.     Still  I  was  unwilling  to  submit. 
But  heavenly  kindness  followed  me,  in  order  to 
convince  me  that  it  would  be  best  to  comply,  and 
no  longer  resist  the  truth.     At  length  it  pleased 
the  Lord,  once  more,  clearly  to  show  me  that  if  I 
would  submit,  it  should  not  only  tend  to  my  own 
happiness,  but  that  a  blessing  should  rest  on  my 
posterity.     This  was  so  great  a  favour,  and  mani- 
fested so  much  divine   regard,  that  I  no  longer 
resisted  ;  but  concluded  to  pay  the  young  woman 
a  visit,  and  open  the  subject  for  her  consideration  ; 
but,  after  I  Ijad  laid  my  proposition  before  her,  I 
still  had  hopes  that  I  might  be  excused  ;  and  only 
visited  her  occasionally.     During  this  time,  for 
several  months,   I  endured  great  trials}  and  afflic- 
tions, before  I   was  fully   resigned.     But,  after 
divine  Goodness  had  prevailed  over  my  rebellious 
nature,  all  things  relating  to  my  marriage  wore  a 
pleasant   aspect.    The  young  woman  appeared 
beautiful ;  and  I  was  prepared  to  receive  her  as  a 
gift  from  heaven  5  fully  as  good  as  I  deserved. 


/ 
/ 


62 

We  waited  about  six  mouths  for  my  parents'  eon- 
sent,  from  New-England,  (a  conversance  by  letter 
being  at  that  time  difficult  to  obtain,)  and  aceom- 
piished  our  marriage  on  the  thirteenth  of  the 
Ninth  month  1735,  in  the  city  of  IMiiladelphia. 

It  is  now  forty  years  since  we  manied  ;  and  I 
can  truly  say,  that  I  never  repented  it  j  but  have 
always  regarded  our  union  as  a  proof  of  divine 
kindness.    I  am  fully  sensible  there  was  no  woman 
on  earth  so  suitable  for  me  as  she  was.     And  all 
those  things  which  were  shown  me,  as  the  e(mse- 
quence  of  my  submission,  are  punctually  fulfilled. 
A  blessing  has  rested  on  me  and   my  posterity. 
I  have  lived  to  see  my  children,  arrived  to  years 
of  understanding,  favoured  with  a  knowledge  of 
the  truth;  (which  is  the  greatest  of  all  blessings;) 
and  some  of  them,  beyond  all  doubt,  are  landed  in 
eternal  felicity.    I  have  been  blessed  with  plenty  5 
and,  ab«)ve  all,  with  peace.    1  am,  therefore,  satis- 
fied and  thankful  to  my  giaciuus  Benefactor,  for 
Lis  kindness  to  me  in  this  concern ;  as  well  as  for 
all  his  other  favours  ;  who  am  not  deserving  of  the 
least  of  aU  the  mercies  and  all  the  truth  which  he 
has  shown  to  his  unworthy  servant. 

1  have  given  this  relation,  so  circumstantially, 
with  a  view  to  show  how  incapable  we  are  to  see 
things  in  their  true  liglit,  until  we  are  truly  hum- 
bled, and  brought  into  subjection  to  the  divine 
will  ;  and  how  unsafe  it  is  for  poor,  frail,  short- 
sighted creatures^  to  reject  so  safe  a  counsellor^ 


68 

and  trust  to  their  own  wisdom,  in  concerns  of  such 
importance.  Therefore,  let  all  seek  that  •'  Wis- 
dom that  Cometh  from  above  ;  which  is  pure, 
peaceable,  gentle,  and  easy  to  be  entreated." 

Whilst  I  was  proceeding  in  my  concerns  relat- 
ing to  marriage,  I  was  also  thoughtful  concerning 
the  proper  place  to  reside  ;  and  the  business  I 
shoulil  engage  in  for  support.  I  had  now  kept  a 
school  nearly  four  years  ;  and  had  i)artly  conclud- 
ed to  resign  that  employment,  on  account  of  the 
confinement  necessarily  attending  it;  and  having 
heard  of  a  new  settlement,  then  making  in  the 
county  of  New-Castle,  (since  called  Wilmington,) 
I  was  inclined  to  see  it;  and  thought,  if  it  pleased 
me,  I  might,  perhaps,  settle  there.  It  had  been 
a  subject  of  frequent  consideration  ;  but  when  I 
mentioned  it  to  my  wife,  she  appeared  unwilling 
to  leave  Philadelphia;  as  she  had  lived  there 
nearly  all  her  life  ;  and  her  relations  resided  in 
that  city.  But  William  Shipley  and  his  wife,  from 
Springfield,  in  Chester  county,  proposing,  in  a 
short  time,  to  settle  in  Wilmington,  I  went  with 
them  to  see  the  place.  It  pleased  me  so  well  that 
I  rented  a  lot  of  ground  there  ;  and,  on  my  return, 
told  my  wife  what  I  had  done.  She  thought  we 
would  never  make  use  of  it. 

In  those  days,  by  various  trials,  exercises,  and 
alflictions,  I  was  reduced  to  a  very  low  state.  My 
natural  powers  seemed  to  be  so  much  weakened, 
that  I  could  not  judge  what  course  to  take,  or  how 


64 

to  proceed,  in  my  temporal  concerns,  as  I  had  for- 
merly done  ;  or  as  others  could  do  ;  so  that  I  saw 
wo  way  for  me  to  move,  with  prudence  or  sattly, 
without  immediate  direction  from  the  Fountain  of 
"Wisdom.  And,  I  may  say,  with  humility  of  heart, 
and  thankfulness  to  the  God  of  ail  mercies,  as  I 
sought  for  it,  and  waited  for  direction,  I  sought 
him  not  in  vain.  I  waited  upon  him  ;  not  daring 
to  move  until  he  appeared  to  point  out  the  way  ; 
and  he  failed  not  to  show  me  what  step  I  should 
take,  and  when  to  take  it,  in  a  wonderful  manner. 
It  was  marvellous  in  my  eyes,  that  a  poor  worm 
should  be  thus  favoured  ;  and  I  should  not  venture 
to  mention  how  particularly  1  was  led,  if  I  did 
not  believe  it  to  be  my  duty. 

Observing  how  ignorant  and  thoughtless  man- 
kind are,  in  general,  of  a  divine  Instructor,  espe- 
cially in  their  temporal  concerns,  supposing  them- 
selves sufficient  to  manage  the  affairs  of  this  life, 
they  do  not  expect  or  seek  for  superior  intelli- 
gence. I  feel  anxious  for  an  amendment,  where 
we  are  out  of  the  true  order  ;  and  shall  now  give 
some  hints  of  my  own  experience  in  relation  to 
this  subject. 

As  before  mentioned,  I  had  taken  a  lot  of  ground 
in  Wilmington  j  but  as  yet  it  was  not  clear  to  me 
that  it  would  be  best  for  us  to  reside  there  ;  and 
my  wife  seeming  unwilling  to  think  of  it,  great 
were  the  trials  that  attended  my  mind. 

To  move  from  one  place  to  another,  in  our  own 


65 

time  and  will,  I  believe  is  a  matter  of  serious  oon- 
sequencc.  A  change  of  residence  appears  to  me 
next  in  importance  to  marriage  ;  and,  therefore, 
requires  the  same  divine  Wisdom  to  direct  us 
aright.  We  may  he  qualified  for  service  in  one 
place  ;  and,  by  removing,  to  a  distance,  unless 
we  are  directed  by  unerring  counsel,  the  designs 
of  Providence  respecting  us,  may  be  frustrated  ; 
and  our  usefulness  lessened. 

Under  these  considerations  I  was  reduced  very 
low  in  mind ;  being  sensible  of  my  own  inability 
rightly  to  direct  my  course.  I  was  full  of  cares 
and  fears;  and  so  humbled  that  I  was  willing  to 
be  or  do  any  thing  that  was  pleasing  to  my  dear 
Master;  so  that  I  might  be  favoured  with  a 
knowledge  of  his  will ;  even  if  it  were  to  take  my 
axe  or  spade  and  labour  for  the  support  of  my 
small  family.  After  many  months  spent  in  anxious 
solicitude  on  this  subject,  light  gradually  arose  on 
my  mind.  Some  times  it  appeared  best  to  move ; 
and  again  the  prospect  seemed  dark  and  cloudy  ; 
but,  at  length,  the  prospect  of  removing  to  the 
new  settlement  of  which  I  have  spoken,  and  of 
keeping  a  store  for  the  sale  of  goods  there,  ap- 
peared so  clear,  that  I  applied  for  a  house  con- 
venient for  this  purpose,  if  I  should  conclude  to 
remove.  Yet,  although  I  had  proceeded  so  far,  I 
VfSkA  under  a  daily  care  lest  I  should  be  mistaken, 
and  rake  a  w  rong  step ;  so  as  to  bring  a  reproach 

on  the  profession  of  truth  I  had  made  to  the  world. 

F  2 


66 

While  I  was  under  this  concern,  I  was  taken  ill 
wit!)  tlie  small-pox ',  and  had  it  pretty  severely. 
When  on  the   recovery,  as  I  sat  by  the  fire  one 
evening,  in  company  with  my  wife,  I   received  a 
letter  from  the  owner  of  the  house,  of  which  I  had 
tiie  refusal.  He  informed  me  that  I  must  write  to 
him  the  next  morning,  and  say  whether  I  would 
take  it  or  not ;  as  another  person  had  determined 
to  take  possession  of  it.  There  was  no  other  house 
in  the  settlement  which  would  be  at  all  suitable 
for  my  intended  business.     This  brought  me  into 
a  close  trial.     After  I  had  read  the  letter  to  my 
wife,  we  sat  silent  for  some  time.     At  length  she 
cheerfully  said,  "Well,  let  us  go."     Which  I  re- 
joiced to  hear  ;  although,   at  that  time,  the  pros- 
pect was  enveloped  in  darkness.     1  made  her  but 
little  reply  ;  and  being  weak  in  body,  and  dark  in 
mind,  I  retired  to  bed.  After  I  had  lain  some  time, 
revolving  the  difficulties  of  my  situation,  with  fer- 
vent desires  for  divine  direction,  I  went  to  sleep; 
and  had  a  good  night's  rest ;  which  1  had  not  en- 
joyed before,  during  that  illness.    About  the  dawn 
of  the  day,  it  seemed  as  if  I  heard  a  clear  and 
intelligible  language,   saying  to   me,    "  Go   and 
prosper  j  fear  not ;  the  cattle  on  a  thousand  hills 
are  mine  ;  and  I  give  them  to  whom  I  please.  Be- 
hold !  I  will  be  with  thee."     Immediately  all  my 
doubts  vanished  ;  1  saw,  with  sutlicicnt  clearness, 
that  I  might  go  with  safety  ;  and  hope  for  a  com- 
petent subsistence.  These  circumstances  I  related 


.67 

to  my  wife  ;  ami  told  her  of  my  prospects ;  which 
afForded  her  encouragement.  I  then  arose,  and 
wrote  to  the  owner  of  the  house  ;  informing  him 
that  I  had  concluded  to  take  it ;  and  that  I  hoped 
to  move  at  the  time  proposed.  Accordingly  I  re- 
moved to  it,  with  my  family,  in  the  Third  month, 
1737  ;  taking  with  me  some  goods  for  my  store. 

After  our  removal,  the  minds  of  tlie  people,  both 
in  town  and  country,  were  inclined  to  deal  with 
us  :  and  we  soon  sold  the  few  goods  we  brought 
from  the  city.  I  then  had  occasion  to  think  of  '*  the 
cattle  on  a  thousand  hills,"  with  heart-felt  grati- 
tude to  him  who  kcepeth  covenant  with  his  chil- 
dren, and  whose  mercies  fail  not.  He  neither 
slumbereth  nor  slecpeth ;  but  his  watchful  eye 
regardeth  his  depending  people,  as  1  have  ever 
found. 

I  will  now  give  some  of  my  views  on  the  subject 
of  business,  lawful  for  christians  to  engage  in. 
Children  may  be  apprenticed  to  trades  which  are 
inconsistent  with  a  christian  profession.  For  in- 
stance, some  are  taught  to  make  instruments  of 
war;  which  they  who  believe  in  the  peaceable  doc- 
trines of  Christ  cannot  lawfully  engage  in.  There 
are  several  other  callings  which  I  believe  chris- 
tians cannot  consistently  follow. 

It  is  the  duty  of  those  who  profess  to  follow 
Christ,  the  light  of  the  world,  to  consider  whether 
the  business  in  which  they  engage,  is  agreeable  to 
his  will  j  and,  if  a  doubt  arise  respecting  its  pro-" 


68 

priety,  to  ask  counsel,  and  wait  for  wisdom,  to 
know  how  to  proceed.  I  was  educated  under  a 
supposition  that  human  learning  was  sufllcient  to 
qualify  me  to  teach  people  the  way  to  peace  and 
happiness.  This  was  clearly  revealed  to  me  to  he 
a  mistake:  and  I  had  not  the  shadow  of  a  douht, 
that  they  who  acquired  human  learning,  to  qualify 
them  for  the  gospel  ministry,  were  entirely  wrong. 
In  consequence  of  this  conviction,  I  employed  my- 
self in  teaching  a  school  j  which  I  helieve  was 
right  for  me  at  that  time.  And  when  I  purposed 
to  enter  into  another  business,  being  convinced 
that  I  ought  to  ask  counsel  of  the  great  Counsellor, 
I  did  not  run  in  my  own  will,  and  choose  my  own 
ways.  I  was  satisfied,  that,  as  we  were  blessed 
with  a  divine  Teacher,  it  was  our  duty  to  follow 
his  directions,  in  temporal,  as  well  as  spiritual 
concerns  ;  especially  in  movements  of  importance. 
And  when  I  believed  it  would  be  right  to  keep  a 
store,  I  was  desirous  that  I  might  proceed  in  the 
business  under  the  direction  of  Him  who  seemed 
willing  to  teach  me.  Not  having  served  an  ap- 
prenticeship to  the  mercantile  business,  I  was 
ignorant  of  the  quality  and  prices  of  goods ;  it  was, 
therefore,  probable  I  should  be  under  some  diffi- 
culty in  these  respects.  But,  as  1  kept  near  my 
Guide,  he  never  failed  to  direct  me  safely  ;  both 
in  my  religious  progress  and  my  worldly  concerns. 
The  advantages  arising  from  a  faithful  attention 
to  the  leadings  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  are  very  great  j 


69 


far  greater  than  my  tongue  or  pen  can  express  | 
even  in  the  management  of  our  temporal  affairs. 
And,  I  believe,  all  real  christians  might  have 
their  understandings  enlightened,  and  their  eyes 
anointed,  clearly  to  see  how  to  proceed  in  all  con- 
cerns of  importance,  provided  the  pure  fear  of  the 
Lord  prevailed  in  their  hearts  5  and  an  humhle 
dependance  and  full  confidence  in  the  all-sufficient 
Helper  were  steadily  maintained.  1  speak  from 
experience.  He  has  been  my  instructor  in  a  very 
particular  manner ;  much  more  so  than  I  have 
mentioned,  or  than  I  can  describe  ;  and  I  am  far 
from  supposing  that  I  have  been  more  deserving 
than  others.  Christ  said,  "  Ask  and  ye  shall  re- 
ceive." I  asked  for  his  direction  and  assistance, 
and  he  helped  me,  and  I  found  the  promise  true. 

I  believe  it  is  consistent  with  the  divine  Will, 
that  all  should  have  their  hope  and  dependance 
more  fully  placed  in  his  almighty  power  ;  and  that 
they  should  wait  for  instruction  from  him,  in  all 
their  undertakings.  Thus,  their  understandings 
would  be  enlarged  ;  their  ideas  would  be  clear; 
and,  having  submitted  all  to  the  disposal  of  divine 
Providence,  who  had  directed  their  proceedings, 
they  would  go  forward  without  any  anxious  cares, 
or  distracting  thoughts,  respecting  events.  I  know 
this  to  my  comfort.  So  far  as  I  have  conformed 
to  this  view,  a  blessing  has  attended  my  under- 
takings, besides  the  blessings  of  peace  and  an  easy 
mind. 


70 

But,  before  1  leave  this  subject,  I  will  observe, 
that  1  did  not  always  so  closely  attend  to  my 
blessed  Instructor  as  I  ought  to  have  done  :  of 
which  1  will  relate  some  instances.  It  was  the 
practice  of  shop-keepers  to  sell  rum  ;  and  I  was 
told  that  if  I  did  not  conform  to  it,  I  need  not  ex- 
pect to  do  any  business  of  importance.  So,  with- 
out waiting  for  direction,  I  fell  into  the  practice; 
and  followed  it  for  several  years  ;  until  it  became 
a  suhjoct  of  uneasiness  to  me.  I  found  many  used 
that  article  to  the  injury,  both  of  body  and  mind. 
Som*^  spent  their  estates  to  procure  it ;  and  thus 
brought  themselves  and  their  families  into  want 
and  distress;  which  gave  me  trouble  of  mind. 
But,  b«Mng  unwilling  to  lose  the  profits  of  this 
branch  of  business,  I  adopted  an  expedient  to 
soothe  my  pain  ;  which  was,  to  refuse  selling  it  to 
such  as  [  thought  would  make  an  evil  use  of  it. 
But  this  did  not  answer  my  expectations  ;  for  they 
would  send  for  it  by  those  who  were  not  suspected. 
At  length  1  was  made  willing  to  relinquish  the 
profits  on  this  article;  and  trust  to  Providence  for 
the  result.  I  ceased  to  sell  it ;  which  afforded 
me  peace,  and  made  no  great  diminution  of  my 
business. 

It  was  also  customary,  in  those  days,  for  Friends, 
as  well  as  otiiers,  to  sell  many  superfluous  arti- 
cles: such  as  gay  calicoes  ;  flowered  ribands  ;  and 
other  fine  things  ;  which  we,  as  a  society,  did  not 
allow  our  families  to  wear ;  and  which  it  was  not 


74 

consistent  with  our  profession  to  encourage  in 
others.  W  ith  these  views,  I  endeavoured  to  lay 
aside  all  such  suptrfluities,  and  to  deal  in  such 
articles  only,  as  were  really  useful.  I  was  told 
that  if  1  refused  to  sell  such  gcjods,  I  might  quit 
my  business  ;  but,  as  1  did  it  from  a  sense  of  duty, 
I  was  not  sensible  that  t  sustained  any  loss  by  it. 

After  I  had  been  in  business  several  years,  and 
had  increased  in  wealth,  three  or  four  of  my  fel- 
low-townsmen concluded  to  build  a  vessel,  and 
trade  to  the  West  Indies  ;  and,  without  consulting 
my  kind  Instructor,  (  was  prevailed  upon  to  join 
them.  But,  being  favoured  to  see  my  error,  I  with- 
drew from  the  concern,  as  soon  as  possible ;  and 
confined  myself  to  the  business  of  my  store.  As  I 
attended  to  this  business,  I  found  I  could  not  feel 
easy  to  sell  my  goods  for  as  much  as  I  could  get 
for  them  ;  as  was  the  practice  with  many  ;  but  by 
selling  them  at  a  moderate  profit,  I  obtained  peace 
of  mind. 

I  am  aware  that  many,  and  even  some  who 
make  a  high  profession  of  religion,  will  deem  my 
remarks  on  business,  marriage,  &c.  unworthy  of 
notice  ;  and  be  ready  to  smile  at  them,  as  the 
whims  and  notions  of  a  distempered,  enthusiastic 
brain ;  because  they  may  have  had  no  such  expe- 
rience. Yet,  there  may  be  others,  who,  having 
had  some  knowledge  of  this  way,  will  be  glad  of 
these  remarks;  for  I  am  sure,  beyo!id  all  doubt, 
that  what  1  have  written  is  true,  and  well  worthy 


/ 


72 


of  attention.*  And  if  men  were  universally  to 
attend  to  the  direction  of  Him  who  is  come  to  lead 
us  into  all  truth,  the  wars,  and  devas'arion  now 
prevailing  in  our  land  would  not  have  existed. f 

I  will  now  recur  to  the  time  when  I  first  joined 
the  society  of  Friends. — After  1  was  admitted  into 
membership,  1  diligently  attended  all  our  meetings 
for  worship  and  discipline;  and  greatly  admired 
the  beautiful  order  established  in  the  societ\;  and 
the  living  gospel  ministry  with  which  we  were 
favoured.  After  I  had  been  a  member  about  one 
year,  I  was  concerned  to  appear  in  the  ministry; 
and  excite  the  careless  to  a  consideration  of  their 
« latter  end."  I  had  passed  through  many  vicis- 
situdes and  tribulations;  but  when  this  concern 
was  laid  upon  me,  it  seemed  heavier  than  any 
thing  I  h.id  ever  had  to  bear.  1  thought  I  could 
never  be  resigned  to  it.  When  I  was  called  out 
of  the  vanities  of  my  youth;  and  was  obliged  to 
submit  to  the  cross  of  Christ;  to  become  a  laugh- 
ing-stock, and  a  by-word,  to  my  companions  and 
acquaintances;  I  was  so  humbled ;  so  mortified; 
and  self  HO  much  abased;  I  thought  I  could  submit 
to  any  thing  tiiat  might  afterwards  be  rcqjiiredof 

*  when  we  censider  the  superficial  state  of  most  religious 
professors,  it  is  no  marvel  tliey  should  reject  the  doctrine  of 
spiritual  direction  in  secular  concerns;  although  it  was  plainly 
promised  by  Christ:  "  When  he  the  Spirit  of  Truth  is  come,  he 
yrWl^iide  you  into  all  truth." — John  xvi.  13- 

•t  The  revolutionary  war. 


IS 

me.     Again,  when  I  passed  through  that  great 
trial  of  leaving  the  college,  in  the  manner  before 
related ;    to   deny   all   the    honours,  friendships, 
pleasant  connections,  and  riches  of  the  world,  I 
concluded  I  should  never  again  meet  with  so  great 
a  trial.     But  I  was  mistaken.   This  far  exceeded 
all  I  had  previously  encountered.     I,   however, 
submitted  so  far  as  to  speak  a  few  times  in  our 
meetings;  and  then,  through  great  fear  that  I 
should  not  be  able  to  persevere,  I  was  induced  to 
be  silent ;  and  postpone  the  performance  of  this 
duty  until  a  more  <«  convenient  season  ;"  or  more 
full  manifestation  of  the  divine  will.    I  concluded, 
that  if  I  should  continue,  for  any  considerable 
time,  to  appear  as  a   minister,  and    afterwards 
should  be  silent,  it  would  bring  greater  dishonour 
on  my  profession  than  thus  to  cease  at  an  early 
period  of  such  a  concern.  Sometimes  I  hoped  thai 
at  a  future  meeting  the  trial  would  not  be  so  se- 
vere ;  at  others,   that   more  strength  would   be 
granted  me.     Thus  I  reasoned,  from  month  to 
month,  and  year  to  year,  during  seven  years.    In 
all  which  time  the  concern  was  often  so  heavy, 
that  I  sat,  and  trembled,  through  the  time  of  meet- 
ing ;  and  then  went  away  full  of  sorrow,  trouble 
and  pain  of  heart. 

For  several  years  after  this,  I  seldom  felt  this 
concern;  yet  I  was  still  sensible  that  I  had  a  work 
of  this  kind  to  do ;  and  felt  great  pain  in  neglect- 
ing it.    I  saw  no  way  to  obtain  peace  of  mind^  bnt 

6 


74 

by  a  submission  to  the  cross,  and  becoming  wiliing 
to  be  accounted  a  fooJ  j  and  this  being  a  severe 
trial,  I  evaded  it.  Sometimes  I  had  a  feint  hope 
that  I  should  yet  obtain  strength  to  proceed  in  the 
work ;  at  other  times,  I  was  almost  in  despair. 
Thus  I  passed  along  for  fifteen  years  ;  during 
which  time  my  error  was  manifested  to  me  in 
various  ways.  Sometimes,  by  the  Holy  Spirit, 
showing  me  that  "obedience  is  better  than  sacri- 
fice, and  to  hearken  to  the  voice  «f  the  Lord,  than 
the  fat  of  rams."  Sometimes,  by  the  ministry  of 
his  messengers  ;  and  sometimes,  by  dreams,  &e. 
Thus,  in  great  mercy,  the  Lord  followed  me  as  he 
did  Ephraim  of  old  ;  saying,  "  How  shall  I  give 
thee  up,  O  Ephraim  ?'* 

One  night  I  dreamed  that  I  saw  a  large,  spa- 
cious building,  in  an  unfinished  state  ;  and  the 
master  builder,  who  appeared  an  excellent  per- 
son, came  to  me,  as  I  stood  at  a  distance,  and  de- 
sired me  to  go  and  take  a  view  of  it ;  to  which  I 
agreed;  and  as  we  were- surveying  it,  and  exa- 
mining the  particular  parts,  I  observed  that  among 
the  many  pillars,  erected  for  the  support  of  the 
building,  there  was  one  lacking.  I  queried  of  him, 
what  was  the  cause  of  that  vacancy.  He  replied, 
it  was  left  for  me ;  and  that  I  was  specially  de- 
signed and  prepared  for  the  place  ;  and  showed 
me  how  I  fitted  it ;  like  a  mortise  is  fitted  to  its 
tenon.  So  that  I  saw  ift  mv  dream  that  all  he  said 
was  true.  Bui,  notwithstanding  all  this^  1  objected 


75 

to  my  capacity  and  fitness  to  fill  the  vacancy  ;  and 
was,  therefore,  unwilling  to  occupy  it.  He  endea- 
voured, by  the  most  convincing  reasons,  to  remove 
all  my  objections ;  and  to  demonstrate  that  I  was 
fitted  for  the  place.  He  further  told  me,  that  they 
had  not  another  prepared  for  it ;  and  that  the 
building  would  be  retarded  if  I  did  not  comply 
with  the  design.  After  he  had  reasoned  with  me 
along  time,  and  I  still  refused,  he  appeared  to  be 
grieved ;  and  told  me  it  was  a  great  pity  that  I 
should  be  rendered  useless  in  the  house,  by  my 
own  obstinacy.  And  then  added,  *' But  it  must 
not  be  so ;  for  if  thou  wilt  not  be  a  pillar,  thou 
shalt  be  a  plank  for  the  floor.'*  He  then  showed 
me  how  I  might  be  flatted  and  prepared  for  that 
purpose.  But  I  refused  that  place  also  j  on  the 
ground  that  it  looked  too  diminutive  to  be  a  plank 
to  be  trod  upon  by  all  who  came  into  the  house. 
At  this  the  master  was  troubled ;  seeing  I  would 
accept  no  place  that  was  offered  me  :  but,  after  a 
long  debate,  he  concluded  to  leave  the  propositions 
Ite  had  made,  for  my  further  consideration  j  and 
so  we  parted. 

The  next  day  I  was  at  a  meeting  on  Long- 
Island,  and  a  concern  came  heavily  upon  me  to 
say  something  that  was  presented  to  my  mind. 
The  burden  of  the  word  was  weighty,  and  more 
difficult  to  remove  than  usual  ;  but  I  contended 
with  it,  and,  at  length,  refused  to  comply.  I  was 
then  in  company  with  two  women  Friends.    The 


76 

following  night  one  of  them  dreamed  that  she  saw 
me  sitting  by  a  pleasant  stream  of  water  j  before 
me  a  table  was  spread  with  all  manner  of  dain- 
ties ;  but  I  was  chained,  so  that  1  could  not  reach 
any  of  them  :  at  which  she  was  troubled ;  and 
asked  the  master  of  the  feast,  why  I  was  deprived 
of  the  liberty  to  partake  of  the  good  things  on  the 
table.  He  answered,  that  the  time  had  been, 
when,  on  certain  conditions,  I  might  have  enjoyed 
them  to  the  full ;  but  that  I  had  refused  the  terms, 
and  therefore  was  now  justly  deprived  of  them. 
She  inquired  of  him  whether  this  must  always  be 
my  case.  He  answered,  perhaps  not ;  that  if  I 
would  yet  submit,  and  comply  with  the  terms,  it 
was  not  too  late  to  partake  of  all  the  good  things 
she  saw.  The  interpretation  of  this  dream,  and 
of  mine  the  night  before,  was  easy  and  plain. 
They  rested  on  my  mind  for  several  years,  as 
cause  of  humbling  instruction  ;  and  excitement  to 
future  care,  diligence,  and  obedience. 

The  next  day,  as  we  were  travelling  towards  a 
town  where  we  intended  to  have  a  meeting  the 
following  day,  we  were  informed  that  a  p<'ople, 
called  the  New-lights,  were  to  have  a  meeting 
there  the  same  day ;  and  that  we  might,  probably, 
get  there  at  the  time  their  meeting  was  sitting. 
As  soon  as  I  heard  it,  I  thought  the  word  of  the 
Lord  passed  through  me,  saying,  "  Thou  must  go 
to  that  meeting."  1  knew  not  the  object,  but  sup- 
posed it  might  be  to  bear  a  testimony  against  their 


77 

errors  in  worship  and  practice  ;  and  to  proclaim 
the  truths  of  the  gospel  in  their  hearing.  I  rode 
on  without  speaking  to  my  companions  ;  hut  the 
concern  remained  weightily  with  me.  I  endea- 
voured, as  usual,  to  get  from  under  it ;  saying  to 
my  Master,  "  I  am  in  no  wise  qualified  for  the 
service  ;"  and  desiring  that  he  would  send  by 
those  who  were  fitted  for  such  a  work;  or,  as 
Moses  said,  "  by  whom  he  would  send  ;"  so  that 
I  might  be  excused.  Whilst  I  was  struggling  to 
evade  this  service,  one  of  the  women  turned  to  me 
and  said,  "  Why  canst  thou  not  go  to  this  meeting 
of  the  New-lights,  and  proclaim  to  them  the  truth, 
as  our  Friends  did  formerly  ?"  Her  speech  added 
fuel  to  the  fire  tiiat  was  burning  within  me.  I 
thought  it  came  with  divine  authority  ;  but  I  made 
her  no  reply;  having  before  as  much  as  I  could 
well  bear.  I,  however,  felt  an  engagement  to 
press  forward  ;  and  when  we  arrived  at  the  house, 
where  we  intended  to  tarry  for  refreshment,  be- 
ing under  great  exercise  of  mind,  I  walked  back- 
ward and  forward  across  the  room.  The  friend 
who  had  spoken  to  me  on  the  road,  I  observed, 
was  under  great  exercise  also.  I  walked  and  rea- 
soned as  long  as  I  well  could.  At  length  the  power 
of  opposition  was  overcome  ;  and  I  was  obliged  to 
submit.  I  then  observed  to  the  friend,  <«  I  believe 
I  must  go  to  that  meeting."  She  replied,  "  I  be- 
lieve so  also."  The  landlord,  hearing  what  was 
said,  proposed  to  go  with  me ;  and  I  accepted  of 

02 


78 

his  offer.  So  being  pressed  in  spirit  to  make  haste, 
we  set  out  ^  and  coming  to  the  meeting-house,  I 
stepped  on  the  door-sill,  to  go  in,  and  at  that  in- 
stant the  meeting  broke  up.  I  then  stepped  aside, 
and  stood  still,  in  retirement  of  mind  ;  waiting  to 
know  my  duty.  The  people  rushed  out  of  the 
house  ;  and  I  found  my  mind  relieved  of  concern; 
so  I  was  easy  to  return,  Avithout  further  service. 
I  believed  the  will  to  act,  in  this  case,  was  ac- 
cepted for  the  deed  ;  and  I  returned  in  peace. 

Thus  was  1  shown  that  my  divine  Master  was 
able  to  bring  me  to  a  state  of  submission  to  his 
holy  will ;  and  I  then  concluded  that,  if  he  would 
excuse  me  from  such  a  trying  service,  I  would  no 
longer  refuse  to  speak  among  those  of  my  own 
persuasion. 

But  after  all  this,  I  proceeded  with  a  heavy 
heart;  being  convinced  that  my  work  was  ne- 
glected. It  was  several  years,  after  this  occur- 
rence, before  I  fully  submitted  to  the  divine  will ; 
in  all  which  time  I  went  on  lamenting  my  unfaith- 
fulness. Sometimes  I  had  a  hope,  as  it  were, 
against  hope,  that  I  should  obtain  a  \jctory  over 
that  slavish  fear  which  had  so  long  enthralled  me. 
At  other  times  I  was  ready  to  conclude  there  was 
110  cause  to  hope  for  deliverance  from  it.  Yet, 
during  this  period,  I  was  not  wholly  forsaken  by 
my  divine  Master;  but  was  enabled  to  perform,  I 
hoi)C  with  acceptance,  some  services  for  him: 
such    as    warning   the    drunkard,    the   profane 


79 

swearer,  anil  the  liar,  of  the  evil  of  their  ways ; 
and  advising  them  to  repent.  Sometimes,  during 
this  period,  I  was  also  concerned  to  accompany 
Friends,  who  were  engaged  to  visit  religious 
meetings  in  distant  places^  in  yielding  to  which 
I  found  peace.  Yet,  when  abroad  on  such  services, 
and  my  call  to  the  ministry  was  brought  into  view, 
the  sense  of  my  neglect  sunk  my  spirits ;  and  pain 
of  heart  attended  mc.  Thus  I  spent  more  than 
twenty  years ! 

Although,  as  has  been  mentioned,  I  had  been 
many  times  invited,  and  had  received  indubitable 
evidence  of  the  divine  will,  both  immediately  and 
instrumentally,  so  that  every  doubt  was  removed 
from  my  mind ;  yet  the  fear  of  man,  the  fear  of 
missing  my  way,  the  fear  of  doing  more  harm 
than  good,  prevailed  against  me ;  so  that  I  thought 
I  should  never  be  able  to  submit  to  the  divine 
will  concerning  me.  But,  towards  the  termination 
of  the  aforesaid  time,  I  felt  more  lively ;  and  a 
concern  to  appear  in  the  ministry  revived.  Being 
from  home,  at  a  meeting,  I  was  concerned  to  say 
something  to  the  people  ;  but,  according  to  my 
usual  custom,  I  postponed  it  till  a  more  convenient 
season.  On  this  account  I  left  the  meeting  in  great 
heaviness  and  sorrow,  for  my  disobedience.  On 
the  following  night,  I  dreamed  that  I  saw  two 
generals  drawing  up  their  armies,  in  order  for 
battle.  Each  captain  had  his  men  in  order,  ready 
to  obey  the  command  of  their  general,  and  stood 


80 

at  their  head,   waiting  for  orders  to  march,  and 
stand  in  the  engagement  where  he  should  conj- 
mand  them.     One  of  the  generals  came  to  a  cap- 
tain, who  stood  near  me,  and  said  to  him,  "  You 
are  a  valiant  man,  and  skilful  in  the  art  of  war ; 
therefore  march  into  the  right  wing  of  the  army, 
and  in  front  of  the  battle."     But  the  captain  ob- 
jected to  the  post  assigned  him  ;  and  pleaded  his 
unfitness  for  itj  saying,  "It  is  a  place  of  danger, 
and  requires  a  man  better  qualified  for  such   a 
post."     The  general  answered,  that  he  was  well 
qualified  for  the  place  allotted  him  ;  and  that  if  he 
took  it  he  might,  by  his  skill  and  valour,  do  emi- 
nent service  for  his  king  and  country  ;  and  gain 
great  honour  j  which  would  be  a  means  of  promot- 
ing him  to  places  of  higher  trust.     He,  however, 
desired  to  be  excused  ;  and  could  not  be  persuaded 
to  take  the  post  assigned  him.     I  stood  by,  and 
heard  all  the  general's  arguments  to  persuade  him 
to  comply,  until  I  was  filled  with  indignation  at 
the  captain's  obstinacy  ;  especially  as  the  general 
had  absolute  authority  to  command,  and  yet  was  so 
kind  as  to  use  entreaty  and  persuasion.     I  then 
said  to  the  general,  "It  is  my  judgment,  that  this 
captain  is  not  worthy  of  the  jdace  assigned  him  j 
since  he  refuses  to  serve  his  king  and  country, 
according  to  his  capacity  ;  and  rejects  the  honour 
and  promotion  he  might  obtain.     Were  I  in  the 
general's  place,  I  would  set  him  in  the  rear  of  the 
army,  where  he  will  have  less  opportunity  of  pro- 


Si 

notion,  and  may  lose  his  life  as  Mel!  as  in  the 
front."  To  this  the  general  replied,  "  The  decision 
is  just,  and  in  the  rear  he  shall  stand  j"  where  he 
was  accordingly  stationed. 

I  awoke  from  my  sleep  in  great  distress  ;  under 
a  sense  of  the  just  judgment  which  (like  David) 
I  had  passed  on  myself.  From  this  time,  during 
several  months,  I  was  on  the  brink  of  despair ; 
concluding  I  was  wholly  unworthy  to  stand  in 
front ;  and,  therefore,  should  be  placed  in  the 
rear,  to  be  killed  in  obscurity.  After  a  time  of 
great  anxiety  and  distress  of  mind,  the  Lord  was 
graciously  pleased  to  look  upon  me  with  compas- 
sion ;  and  again  offered  to  make  me  a  pillar  in  his 
house ;  and  I  felt  a  renewed  concern  to  appear  in 
public  for  his  name,  and  in  the  cause  of  Truth. 

In  the  year  1755,  being  in  company  with  Com- 
fort Hoag  and  her  companion,  from  New-England, 
then  on  a  religious  visit  to  Friends  in  this  part  of 
the  country,  I  attended  a  meeting  with  them  ;  in 
which  I  felt  a  concern  to  speak  to  the  assembly  > 
but,  as  usual,  evaded  it.  After  meeting  Comfort 
said  to  me,  "  David,  why  didst  thou  not  preach  to- 
day ?"  I  smiled  at  the  query  ;  seeming  to  won- 
der that  she  should  ask  sucli  a  question;  and 
endeavoured  to  appear  innocent  and  ignorant  of 
any  concern  of  that  kind.  As  she  knew  nothing 
of  me  but  what  she  had  felt,  (having  never  before 
seen  or  heard  of  me,)  she  said  no  more.  On  the 
following  day  a  similar  concern  came  upon  me, 


82 

and  I  evaded  it,  as  before.  After  meeting,  Com- 
fort again  said  to  me,  "  David,  why  didst  tliou 
not  preach  to-day  ?"  I  endeavoured  to  pass  it  by 
as  before  ;  but  slie  said  it  was  not  worth  wliile  to 
evade  it,  for  slie  was  assured  that  I  ought  to  have 
preached  that  day  ;  and  that  1  had  almost  spoiled 
her  meeting  by  refraining;  which  had  hindered 
her  service.  >\  hen  1  found  I  could  not  conceal  my 
faults,  I  confessed  the  whole  ;  and  told  her  1  had 
been  for  more  than  tw  enty  years  in  that  practice  j 
and  then  gave  her  a  history  of  my  life  from  the 
beginning  down  to  that  day.  She  admired  that 
divine  kindness  was  yet  manifested  toward  me  in 
such  maimer;  seeing  1  had  so  long  rebelled 
against  it.  And  then  gave  me  suitable  caution 
and  advice.  i 

The  following  day,  being  at  meeting,  I  again 
felt  a  concern  to  speak  to  the  people  ;  but  endea- 
voured to  evade  it.  A  man  of  some  note  was  sit- 
ting before  me,  and  increased  my  reluctance  to 
speak.  I  supposed  he  would  not  be  present  at  the 
next  meeting ;  and  then  I  would  obey  the  call  of 
the  Lord  to  that  service.  Thus  I  spent  the  greater 
part  of  an  hour.  At  length,  my  divine  Master, 
the  great  Master  Builder,  thus  addressed  me, 
«  Why  dost  thou  still  delay  ;  desiring  to  be  excu- 
sed until  a  more  convenient  season  ?  There  never 
will  be  a  better  time  than  this;  I  have  waited  on 
thee  above  twenty  years  ;  I  have  clearly  made 
known  to  thee  my  will ;  so  that  all  occasion  of 


88 

doubt  has  been  removed  ;  yet  thou  hast  refused  to 
submit)  until  thy  day  is  far  spent ;   and  if  thou 
dost  not  speedily  comply  with  my  commands,  it 
will  be  too  late  ;  thy  opportunity  will  be  lost."    I 
then  clearly  saw  that  if  1  were  forsaken,  and  left  to 
myself,  the  consequence  would  be  death  and  dark- 
ness for  ever  !  At  the  sight  of  the  horrible  pit  that 
yawned  for  me,  if  1  continued  in  disobedience,  my 
body  trembled  like  an  aspen  leaf;  and  my  soul 
was  humbled  within  me!     Then  I  said,  «  Lord ! 
here  am  I ;   make  of  me  what  thou  wouldst  have 
me  to  be ;  leave  me  not  in  displeasure,  I  beseech 
thee."     All  my  power  to  resist  was  then  suspend- 
ed ;  I  forgot  the  great  man  that  had  been  in  my 
way  ;  and  was  raised  on  my  feet,  I  hardly  knew 
how,  and  expressed,  in  a  clear  and  distinct  man- 
ner, what  was  on  my  mind.     When  I  had  taken 
my  seat,  Comfort  Hoag  rose,  and  had  an  open, 
favourable  opportunity  to  speak  to  the  assembly. 
After  meeting  she  told  me  that,  during  the  time 
we  had  sat  in  silence,  her  whole  concern  was  on 
my  account ;  that  her  anxiety  for  my  deliverance 
from  that  bondage  was  such,  that  she  was  willing 
to  offer  up  her  natural  life  to  the  Lord,  if  it  might 
be  a  means  to  bring  me  forth  in  the  ministry;  and 
that,  on  making  the  offering,  I  rose  to  speak.    On 
which  her  anxiety  for  me  was  removed,  and  her 
mind  filled  with  concern  for  the  people  present.* 

♦  Comfort  Hoag  (afterwards  Comfort  Collins)  survived  this 
journey  many  years ;  and  died  when  more  than  one  hundre^l 
•yeara  of  age,  a  lively  minister  till  near  her  end. 


84 

At  that  time  I  was  made  a  real  Quaker ;  and 
was  not  ashamed  to  be  seen  trembling  before  the 
Lord.  Under  a  sense  of  so  great  and  merciful  a 
deliverance,  1  saw  and  felt  ample  cause  for  it.  It 
was  with  me  as  with  Israel  of  old,  when  the  Lord 
caused  their  captivity  to  return  -,  saying  he  would 
build  them  as  at  the  first,  and  they  should  fear  and 
tremble  for  all  his  goodness,  and  for  all  the  pros- 
perity he  would  procure  for  them.  My  soul  re- 
joiced in  the  Lord,  and  I  magnified  his  excellent 
name,  who  is  worthy  of  all  honour,  glory  and  re- 
nown for  ever. 

It  appeared  to  me  wonderful,  that  1  should  thus 
be  lifted  out  of  this  horrible  pit  of  my  own  dig- 
ging  ;  and  I  was  so  absorbed  in  the  love  and  mercy 
of  my  heavenly  Benefactor,  that  I  was  filled  with 
thankfulness  and  praise ;  attended  with  a  desire 
that,  in  future,  I  might  diligently  watch  and  wait 
for  the  pointing  of  his  holy  finger,  to  every  service 
he  might  be  pleased  to  allot  me  ;  that  so  no  oppor- 
tunity might  be  lost  of  manifesting  my  gratitude, 
by  obedience  to  his  will.  My  feelings  were  like 
those  of  a  prisoner  who  had  been  long  in  bonds, 
and  was  set  at  liberty. 

This  appearance  in  the  public  ministry  was  in 
the  year  1755  ;  and  in  the  forty-eighth  year  of  my 
age.  After  which  it  was  never  so  groat  a  cross 
to  speak  in  meetings  as  it  had  been  before.  At 
many  times,  during  my  long  silence,  I  had  a  sight 
that  if  I  were  obedient  to  my  duty,  1  might  be 


85 

made  a  useful  member  of  the  church,  and  as  a 
pillar  in  God's  house ;  but,  having  so  long  rebel- 
led, I  now  had  no  reason  to  expect  that  I  should 
be  BO  useful  as  I  might  have  been,  had  I  rendered 
early  obedience  to  the  heavenly  call.  However, 
it  appeared  necessary,  if  little  were  committed  to 
my  care,  to  be  faithful  to  that  little.  Sometimes 
I  had  a  hope  of  being  useful  to  my  fellow-crea- 
tures ;  at  other  times  I  was  left  to  myself,  and 
humbled  under  a  sense  of  my  own  inability  to  do 
any  thing  to  the  honour  of  God,  or  the  help  of 
others. 

In  the  year  1758, 1  was  received  into  the  meeting 
of  ministers  and  elders  ;  and  soon  after  obtained 
a  certificate  to  visit  some  parts  of  York  Govern- 
ment, and  a  part  of  Connecticut.  A  companion 
was  provided  for  me;  and  we  left  home  on  the 
2'ith  of  the  Third  month,  1758.  We  visited  about 
eighty  meetings,  chiefly  amongst  those  of  other 
societies,  to  our  own  satisfaction ;  and,  apparently 
so,  to  the  people  generally ;  who  sat  in  their  meet- 
ings admirably  quiet  j  gave  great  attention  to 
what  was  said ;  and  were  much  aff*ected.  They 
were  kind  and  affectionate ;  and  seemed  unwilling 
to  part  with  us.  I  was  four  months  and  five  days 
from  home ;  rode  about  one  thousand  miles  ;  and 
returned  in  peace,  and  thankfulness  of  heart  to 
the  God  and  Father  of  all  our  mercies. 

For  some  years  after  this  journey,  I  seldom  ap- 
peared in  the  ministry.    My  friends,  as  well  as 

H 


86 

myselfj  were  inclined  to  believe  that  if  ever  I  had 
a  gift  for  that  service,  it  was  taken  from  me.  I 
was  reduced  very  low;  and  great  distress  at- 
tended my  mind.  I  was  often  ready  to  say,  *'  Is 
God's  mercy  quite  gone  ?  Will  he  be  favourable 
no  more  ?"  I  went  mourning  on  my  way,  and  had 
little  comfort  in  my  life.  In  the  night  I  wished 
for  day  ;  and  in  the  day  I  wished  for  night.  None 
can  conceive  with  what  horror  and  anxiety  I  was 
attended  ;  unless  they  have  been  tried  with  simi- 
lar desertion.  The  cause  of  my  being  so  tried,  I 
did  not  then  see;  but  after  I  was  in  some  measure 
mercifully  restored,  I  believed  it  was  to  humble 
me  ;  that  I  might  be  brought  to  a  more  perfect 
and  entire  dependence  upon  the  divine  gift ;  that 
so  nothing  of  se^should  be  present  in  my  ministry. 

After  it  pleased  the  Lord  to  revisit  my  soul 
with  the  light  of  life,  I  felt  a  concern  to  arise,  and 
increase,  for  the  welfare  of  my  fellow-creatures. 
I  saw  that  the  professors  of  Christianity  were 
mostly  at  ease  ;  and  that  many  under  our  name 
were  contented  with  a  mere  profession  of  the 
Truth  ;  and  I  felt  a  desire  that  the  careless  and 
negligent  might  be  awakened  to  a  perception  of 
their  dangerous  situation. 

In  the  year  1771,  Samuel  Neale,  of  Ireland, 
being  on  a  religious  visit  to  Friends  in  America, 
came  to  my  house,  on  his  way  to  Maryland.  Hav- 
ing no  companion,  I  offered  to  bear  him  company. 
He  accepted  my  offer.    And  we  set  out  in  the 


87 

Fifth  month,  and  spent  about  a  month  in  visiting 
the  meetings  of  Friends,  as  far  as  West  River ; 
those  on  the  Eastern-Shore  of  Maryland  j  and 
those  between  Lewistown  and  Wilmington.  After 
which  we  rested  a  few  days,  at  my  house.  Samuel 
intended  to  visit  the  meetings  of  Friends  in  New- 
Jersey,  and  no  better  companion  offering,  I  ac- 
companied him  in  that  journey  also.  From  Wil- 
mington we  went  to  Salem  ;  and  after  visiting  all 
the  meetings  thereabouts,  we  crossed  the  country 
to  Cape  May  ;  and  visited  those  of  Great  and  Lit- 
tle Egg  Harbour,  Shrewsbury,  and  other  parts  of 
New-Jersey.  Spending  between  six  and  seven 
weeks,  to  our  mutual  satisfaction.  We  parted  at 
11  meeting  called  Solomon's ;  Samuel  going  to  Phi- 
ladelphia, and  I  returning  home  5  where  I  found 
my  family  in  health. 

Soon  after  my  return,  Samuel  wrote  to  me,  de- 
siring  I  would  prepare  for  a  journey  to  New-Eng- 
land. It  was  very  pleasant  to  me,  to  find  he  had 
a  concern  to  visit  my  native  country  5  for  he  had 
often  said  he  saw  no  probability  of  making  such  a 
visit.  I  felt  willing  to  go  with  him,  with  the  ap- 
probation of  my  friends  at  home ;  of  which  I  soon 
received  their  certificate  ;  and  made  ready  for  the 
journey.  I  left  home  on  the  19th  of  the  Ninth 
month,  1771 ;  and  went  to  our  yearly  meeting  at 
Philadelphia  j  which  proved  to  me  a  good,  com- 
fortable meeting ;  as  I  believe  it  did  to  many 
others.     Some  friends,  whom  I  highly  esteemed. 


88 

informed  me  they  were  pleased  with  ray  intentions 
to  accompany  Samuel  Neale  ;  which  afforded  me 
some  encouragement ;  for  I  was  in  a  low  state  of 
mind ;  feeling  great  poverty  of  spirit.  I  was  ap- 
prehensive that  Friends  would  prefer  a  better 
companion  for  him  j  and  might  advise  me  to  return 
home  ;  but  Samuel  seemed  well  pleased  to  find  me 
prepared  for  the  journey. 

After  the  yearly  meeting  had  concluded,  we  set 
out  for  New-England  on  the  27th  of  the  Ninth 
month  ;  and  proceeded  directly  to  Rahway  ;  where 
we  had  a  meeting  on  First-day ;  and,  in  the  after- 
noon, rode  to  New-York.  Here  we  had  a  meeting 
on  Second-day ;  and  rested  the  day  following. 
On  Fourth-day  we  attended  the  monthly  meeting 
at  Newtown,  on  Long  Island.  After  which  we  re- 
turned to  New- York.  Thence  we  rode  to  Shap- 
paqua ;  and  so  on,  to  Ammawalk,  Peachpond,  Ob- 
long, Shearman's  meeting,  Oswego,  Jonathan 
Hoag's,  Over-the-Creek,  Nine  Partners,  and  Sa- 
lisbury ;  and  had  meetings  at  all  those  places  to 
pretty  good  satisfaction.  From  Salisbury  we  rode 
about  one  hundred  miles  eastward  to  Leicester  ; 
had  a  meeting  there ;  and  lodged  at  the  widow 
Earlc's;  another  at  Bolton,  and  one  at  Salem. 
Afterwards  we  proceeded  in  a  north-easterly  di- 
rection ;  attended  all  the  meetings  of  Friends,  as 
far  as  Case's  Bay ;  and  one  on  the  other  side  of  the 
Bay.  We  crossed  the  Bay  on  the  27th  of  the 
Tenth  month  j  and  returned  the  following  day. 


89 

On  our  return,  the  wind  was  violent ;  and  we  ap- 
peared to  be  in  imminent  danger.  There  were 
fourteen  persons  in  the  boat,  which  was  a  small 
one,  and  the  Bay  eighteen  miles  wide ;  but, 
through  divine  mercy,  we  landed  safely ;  and 
went  that  night  to  Benjamin  Winslow's.  From 
thence  we  travelled  homeward,  fifty-five  miles,  to 
Berwick ;  and  attended  the  quarterly  meeting  at 
Dover.  Tiience  we  went  to  Kittery,  Barrington, 
Leaiping,  and  to  a  newly  settled  place,  fifty  miles 
beyond  Hampton,  called  Ware;  and  had  meetings 
at  all  those  places.  From  Ware  we  returned  to 
Hampton ;  and  thence  proceeded  to  Salem,  Lynn, 
and  Boston ;  and  so,  onward,  to  Nantucket ;  visit- 
ing meetings  on  the  way.  Afterwards  we  visited 
Rhode  Island  ;  and  thence  travelled  through  New- 
England,  and  York  Government ;  and  arrived  in 
Philadelphia  after  an  absence  of  four  months  and 
i\  half.  Having  travelled,  by  land  and  water, 
about  seventeen  hundred  miles;  generally  to  good 
satisfaction.  I  returned  home  in  peace,  and  found 
my  family  well. 

After  this  journey,  Samuel  Neale  and  I  were 
concerned  to  visit  some  parts  of  York  Govern- 
ment; and  some  within  the  bounds  of  Connecticut. 
We  set  out  on  the  27th  of  the  Fourth  month  ;  and 
went  to  the  quarterly  meeting  at  Oblong.  We 
spent  about  six  weeks  in  visiting  the  meetings  of 
Friends  ;  and  holding  some  amongst  those  of  other 
societies.    On  our  return  to  Philadelphia,  I  parted 

H  2 


90 

with  my  beloved  friend,  Samuel  Neale ;  -with 
whom  I  had  travelled,  altogether,  about  nine 
months. 

On  the  16th  of  the  Tenth  month,  1772,  having 
obtained  a  certificate  of  the  concurrence  of  my 
friends,  I  set  out  in  order  to  visit  the  southern  pro- 
vinces; in  company  with  my  friend,  Robert  Valen- 
tine ;  whom  I  met  at  York-town,  in  Pennsylvania. 
On  the  afternoon  of  the  day  of  our  meeting,  we.rode 
to  Newberry ;  where  we  attended  a  meeting  the 
following  day  ;  which  was  not  very  satisfactory. 
I  was  very  much  depressed  under  the  weight  of 
the  undertaking  ;  which  appeared  a  very  great 
one,  for  two  such  poor  striplings.  For  though  we 
were  not  young  in  years,  yet  we  were  so  in  expe- 
rience as  ministers.  Hitherto,  I  had  generally 
travelled  with  old,  experienced  ministers;  upon 
w'hom  I  could  lean  ;  as  I  was  too  apt  to  do.  But 
now,  under  the  prospect  that  the  work  would  de- 
volve with  greater  weight  on  me,  I  was  much  cast 
down  ;  although  Robert  was  a  valuable  friend, 
and  lively  minister.  I  mentioned  to  him  my  dis- 
couragement; but  he  spoke  cheerfully;  saying  he 
believed  we  should  get  well  ah)ng,  if  our  Master 
would  go  with  us ;  whicli  he  hoped  would  be  the 
case.  On  the  following  day  we  had  a  large  meet- 
ing at  "Warrington  ;  and  our  Master  was  with  us, 
indeed  ;  and  favoured  us  with  his  life-giving  pre- 
sence. It  was  an  affecting  time.  The  power  of 
Truth  prevailed  over  all.    Life  was  in  dominion. 


91 

Divine  love  filled  many  hearts;  and  we  parted 
with  the  people  in   much  love  and  tenderness. 
This  comfortable  meeting  relieved  me  of  my  fears, 
and  renewed  my  faith.    We  now  went  on  pretty 
cheerfully  ;  under  the  hope  that  we  should  be  fa- 
voured, from  time  to  time,  with  fresh  supplies  of 
divine  help,  through  our  journey.    We  visited 
meetings  on  our  way  to  Fairfax  ;  were  at  their 
monthly   meeting,    and  several  others,  in   that 
neighbourhood.   At  that  time  our  valuable  friend^ 
John  Churchman,  was  at  Fairfax  ;  and  we  attend- 
ed several  meetings  with  him.     Robert  and  I  had 
an  evening  meeting  at  Louisburg.    It  was  held  iu 
their  court-house,  and  many  of  their  great  people 
were  present.     It  proved  a  very  trying  time  to  us 
both;  such  as  I  had  never  known  before.    But, 
after  we  had  been  sufficiently  proved  and  morti- 
fied, we  were  favoured  with  a  good,  comfortable 
opportunity  to  relieve  ourselves  ;  for  which  I  was 
truly  and  humbly  thankful.  John  Churchman  re- 
mained at  Amos  Janney's,  in  Fairfax,  until  we 
liad  visited  all  the  meetings  in  that  neighbourhood. 
After  finishing  this  service,  we  returned  to  Amos 
Janney's;  and  from  thence  set  out  on  our  journey 
southward.     At  parting  with  John  Churchman, 
he  told  us  he  had  no  objections  to  our  going  for- 
ward J  which  afforded  us  great  encouragement.  I 
was  inclined  to  believe  he  would  advise  me  to  re- 
turn home  ;  and  not  attempt  further  to  prosecute 
my  enterprise.    I  concluded  he  would  perceive 


92 

our  weakness,  and  be  honest  to  us  in  the  cause  of 
truth  ;  and  I  felt  willing  to  receive  such  advice, 
not  desiring  to  proceed  without  divine  approba- 
tion. But,  notwithstanding  we  had  been  encou- 
raged to  proceed,  I  went  on  in  great  fear  ;  having 
a  daily  sense  of  ray  own  insufliciency  for  so  great 
and  important  a  service.  We,  however,  ventured 
to  proceed  to  Hopewell ;  and  attended  all  the  meet- 
ings in  that  neighbourhood  ;  then  went  to  Smith's 
Creek ;  thence  to  Douglas,  Camp  Creek,  Fork 
Creek,  and  Genito  ;  to  John  Johnson's,  in  Amelia 
county ;  to  South  River,  a  branch  of  James's  Ri- 
ver; to  Stanton;  and  so  on,  to  North  Carolina. 
We  had  meetings  at  all  (nose,  and  some  other 
places.  In  New-Garden  settlement  we  were  at 
one  quarterly  meeting,  three  monthly  meetings, 
and  eighteen  public  meetings.  Though  we  had 
our  trials  and  baptizing  seasons,  and  felt  need  of 
daily  assistance,  the  great  Shepherd  of  Israel  was 
near  us,  and  favoured  us  with  help.  We  felt  great 
love  for  the  people ;  and  I  hope  our  visit  may  be 
useful  to  some  of  them. 

Soon  after  we  entered  New-Garden  settlement, 
and  before  we  had  had  a  meeting  there,  my  com- 
panion heard  a  report  that  a  letter  had  come  for 
me;  and  that  it  contained  bad  news.  It  was  said 
the  letter  had  passed  us  ;  and  when,  or  where,  it 
would  be  f(tund,  was  very  uncertain.  My  com- 
panion consulted  with  some  friends  on  the  sub- 
ject; and  they  thought  it  would  be  best  to  conceal 


the  report  from  me ;  as  we  were  just  going  to  the 
first  meeting  in  the  settlement.  However,  as  we 
rode  along,  he  thought  it  right  to  inform  me  of  the 
rumour ;  and  told  me  it  was  reported  I  was  sent 
for  home.  On  hearing  it  I  was  filled  with  con- 
cern; the  enemy  was  busy;  and  I  was  weak  ;  yet 
I  continued  my  journey ;  although  I  had  poor 
meetings.  I  supposed  my  friends  were  uneasy 
with  my  proceedings ;  and  had  sent  to  request  me 
to  return.  The  report  concerning  the  letter 
spread  among  the  people ;  and  it  was  currently 
asserted  that  Wilmington  was  burnt  to  ashes ; 
that  all  my  property  was  consumed ;  and  that  I 
was  sent  for  on  that  account.  These  were  heavy 
tidings  ;  and  all  true,  for  any  thing  I  knew  to  the 
contrary.  After  several  days  of  great  anxiety,  a 
hope  arose  in  my  mind  that  it  was  not  so  bad  as 
was  reported  ,•  for,  as  I  turned  my  mind  towards 
home,  it  seemed  to  me,  that  my  dwelling  house  at 
least  was  safe.  I  had  now. been  about  ten  days 
under  this  trouble,  when  we  lodged  at  the  house 
of  a  Friend  whose  wife  was  a  sensible,  religious 
woman  ;  well  acquainted  with  the  snares  of  the 
enemy  ;  and  she,  hearing  me  say  something  of  re- 
turning, as  I  could  hear  nothing  further  of  the 
letter,  told  me  she  believed  there  was  little  or  no 
truth  in  the  reports  ;  but  that  it  was  the  work  of 
Satan  and  his  emissaries,  to  hinder  my  service, 
and  send  me  home.  This  was  a  seasonable  cau- 
tion. -  When  we  had  visited  nearly  all  the  meetings 


94 

in  that  neighbourhood;  and  as  we  designed  to  pro- 
ceed to  Bush  River,  in  South  Carolina,  I  thought 
it  best  to  use  every  means  to  find  the  letter,  before 
we  went  further.  I  therefore  hired  a  young  man 
to  go  back  in  pursuit  of  the  letter  as  far  as  Hills- 
borough, sixty  miles,  if  necessary.  After  pro- 
ceeding about  thirty  miles  in  the  search,  he  found 
it;  and  brought  it  to  me,  just  as  we  were  going 
into  a  meeting.  I  opened  and  read  the  letter, 
much  to  my  comfort.  There  was  no  account  of  a 
fire,  or  any  other  unpleasant  occurrence  in  it. 
Thus  all  ray  uneasiness  was  removed. 

This  storm  being  happily  blown  over,  we  set  out 
for  South  Carolina.  Zachariah  Dicks,  John  Car- 
ter, William  Lindley,  and  John  Unthank,  accom- 
panied us  to  Bush  River,  two  hundred  miles ; 
which  we  travelled  in  five  days.  Two  of  the 
Friends  remained  at  Bush  River,  while  we  went 
to  Georgia.  We  went  afterwards  to  Wateree  and 
Pedee.  At  the  latter  place  we  had  two  meetings 
with  Friends.  There  we  parted  with  the  four 
Friends  before  mentioned.  The"y  had  been  our 
affectionate  and  pleasant  companions  for  about  a 
month.  After  our  separation,  Robert  and  I  felt 
lonesome  ;  having  to  ride  one  hundred  and  twenty 
miles  before  we  could  come  amongst  Friends  again. 
During  two  days  we  had  guides  to  conduct  us  ; 
then,  hoping  we  should  be  able  to  find  the  way 
without  their  assistance,  we  advised  them  to  re- 
turn home.    We  arrived  at  Richard  Cox%  at 


95 

Neuse  River,  in  safety  j    and  after  having  two 
satisfactory  meetings  there,  we  rode  fifteen  miles, 
to  Great  Contentney ;  where  we  had  a  meeting. 
From  thence,  we  went  to  Henry  Home's,  at  Tar 
River,  and  had  a  meeting  at  his  house  j  which  was 
a  poor,  low  time.     The  professors  there  seemed 
inclined  to  the  Baptists.  From  Tar  River  we  went 
to  Rich-Square  ;  and,  after  attending  their  meet- 
ing,  we  set  out  towards  the  old  settlement,  in 
North  Carolina.     As  we  proceeded  towards  tlie 
lower   settlements,    in    Carolina   and    Virginia, 
among  a  wise  people,  as  I  supposed,  fat  and  full, 
possessing  great  numbers  of  slaves,  I  was  very 
pensive  ;  and  so  much  depressed,  that  I  would 
gladly  have  passed  them  by,  and  returned  imme- 
diately home.     But  I  saw  no  way  for  me,  but  to 
look  to  my  divine  Instructor  ;  and  depend  on  Him 
who  had  hitherto  been  our  sufficient  helper,  in 
every  strait  and  difficulty.     After  a  time  of  trial, 
I  was  favoured  with  a  degree  of  fortitude  and  re- 
signation.     I  went  down  among  them  in  fear  j  but 
we  found  some  tender,  loving,  well  inclined  peo- 
ple ;  and  were  favoured  with  heavenly  help,  and 
enabled  toproJieed,  I  hope,  to  the  honour  of  Truth, 
and  advantage  of  the  people  ;  for  many  of  whom 
we  felt  a  tender  regard,  and  parted  with  them  in 
much  love. 

Although  they  were  generally  in  the  practice  of 
keeping  slaves;  yet  they  had  begun  to  seethe 
error  of  it;  and  were  desirous  to  be  relieved  of 


96 

the  burden ;  but  saw  no  way  to  effect  it,  to  the 
satisfaction  of  themselves,  and  their  slaves  ;  be- 
cause of  the  cruel  laws  in  force  in  these  colonies ; 
by  which,  if  a  man  set  his  slaves  free,  they  would 
be  liable  to  be  seized,  and  sold  to  the  highest  bid- 
der; which  appeared  grievous,  both  to  themselves 
and  their  owners. 

We  visited  nearly  all  the  meetings  in  the  lower 
parts  of  North  Carolina,  and  Virginia,  to  our 
satisfaction.  We  then  passed  into  Maryland; 
visited  the  meetings  on  the  Western  Shore,  as  far 
as  Baltimore ;  from  whence  we  came  directly 
home.  I  found  my  family  and  temporal  concerns 
as  well  as  usual ;  and  had  great  peace  and  satis- 
faction of  mind  ;  under  a  tiiankful  sense  of  the 
many  favours  we  had  received ;  and  that  divine 
assistance  had  been  afforded,  in  every  trying  sea- 
son. We  had  been  engaged  in  this  visit  just  five 
months ;  had  travelled  nearly  three  thousand 
miles ;  had  attended  one  hundred  and  five  public 
meetings;  and  arrived  at  home,  on  the  16th  of 
the  Third  month,  1773. 

After  my  return  from  this  journey,  I  did  not 
travel  far  from  home,  until  the  Fifth  month,  177C. 
When,  in  company  with  Jolin  Perry,  I  left  home, 
to  pay  a  religious  visit  to  Friends  in  New-England. 
At  Railway  we  met  Rebecca  Wright  and  Thebe 
Yarnall ;  who  were  engaged  to  pay  a  similar  visit; 
;  nd  we  travelled  together  about  seven  weeks.  We 
were  at  many  meetings  in  York  Government,  Nar- 


97 

aganset,  and  Rhode  Island ;  and  attended  the 
nieerinj^s  on  the  way  to  Nantucket.  From  thence, 
we  returned  to  the  quaiterly  meetin{^  of  Sandwich. 
After  the  close  of  that  meetin,^,  we  parted  from 
the  two  women  Friends,  before  mentioned.  They 
went  towards  Boston,  and  thence,  eastward  ;  we 
returned  towards  Providence  ;  and  visited  all  the 
meetin.i^s  in  those  parts.  From  thence,  we  crossed 
Connecticut  ;  through  Hartford,  to  New  Milford, 
and  to  Oblong.  From  the  Great  Meadows,  we 
passed  by  Kingwood,  New- Jersey,  into  Bucks 
county,  Pennsylvania;  and  thence  home.  From 
which  I  had  been  absent  about  ten  weeks.  We 
had  travelled,  by  land  and  water,  eight  hundred 
miles.  I  was  favoured  with  peace  of  mind,  and 
found  my  family  well. 

1779.  I  am  now  drawing  towards  the  conclusion 
of  life  ;  being,  this  day,  seventy  two  years  of  age. 
For  the  encouragement  of  othei-s,  I  will  now, 
briefly,  recapitulate  some  of  the  kind  dealings  of 
Providence  towards  me.  The  God  of  my  life,  my 
Maker  and  Preserver,  has  been  propitious  to  me 
fro!u  youth  to  old  age.  Tlie  fear  of  the  Lord, 
"Whielt  preserves  from  evil,  was  placed  in  my  heart 
when  I  was  but  eiglit  years  old  ;  so  that  I  was 
afraid  to  offend  him.  In  the  twelfth  year  of  my 
age,  I  was  mercifully  visited,  and  called  out  of 
the  vanites  of  the  world  ;  at  which  time  I  re- 
ceived a  promise,  that  if  1  sought  first  the  king- 
dom of  Gud,  all  other  necessary  things   should  be 

1 


98 

added ;  and  I  have  found    the   pronr)ise  true  ;  or  I 
never  have  wanted  any  of  the  good  things  of  this 
life.     I  hav»i  heen  blessed  with  suffieieut  for  my- 
self and  friends;  and  something  to  spare   to  the 
poor.     And    I  esteem  it  a  great   favour,    that  1 
received  a  disposition    to  communicate  to   those 
who  stood  in  need.     If  all  men  would  ''  seek  first 
the  kingdom   of  heaven,  and   the   righteousness 
thereof,"  and  carefully  attend  to  the  leadings  of 
the  Holy  Spirit,  with  which  all  might  be  favoured, 
I  believe  they  would  be   blessed   with  a  sufficient 
portion  of  wealth.     O,  that  mankind  were  wise  ! 
and  would  early  seek  that  treasure  which  cometh 
from  above  J  and  which  neither  moth  nor  rust  can 
corrupt;   nor  thieves  break  through    and  steal! 
And  may  we  all  beware  of  loving  the  world  ;   and 
living  at  ease,   in  the  enjoyment  of  its  good  and 
pleasant    things  !  Even  those   who  have  been  fa- 
voured with   remarkable   divine  visitations,  and 
Lave  been  put   in  possession  of  "the    u])per  and 
the  nether  springs,"   have   great  need    to    be   on 
thnrguard.      When  we  enjoy  health  and  plenty, 
and  all  things   seem   pleasant  around  us,  we  are 
prone    to    forget   the    Lord,    and     neglect    those 
*«  things  that  belongto  our  peace."      'JMiis  I  know, 
by    sorrowful    experience.     In    this    way    1    was 
'brought  into  along,  dark,  and  mournful  situati(»n; 
and  kept   from  yielding  obedience   to  my  known 
duty,  respecting  the    ministry.      Although    I  had 
been  called  out  of  the   world,  and   uncommonly 


^ 


favoured,  as  before  related  ;  although  I  had  for- 
saken the  vanities  and  flesh-pleasing  gratifica- 
tions in  which  I  had  delighted;  although  I  had 
left  the  college  in  a  way  so  mortifying  ;  had  given 
up  all  todeath,  and  freely  borne  the  cross  of  being 
esteemed  a  fo(d  by  the  world  ;  afterwards  joining 
•with  the  despised  Quakers  ;  adopting  their  lan- 
guage, dress  and  behaviour;  all  which  I  could  not 
have  done  withotit  divine  assistance  ;  yet,  after  all 
this,  I  was  so  forgetful  and  ungrateful  to  my  hea- 
veidy  Benefactor,  that  it  is  a  wonder  I  was  ever 
restored.  And  I  have  no  doubt,  that  thousands, 
through  neglii^encp,  even  after  thpy  have  been 
called  out  of  the  world,  and  have  run  well  for  a 
season,  have  been  finally  lost ;  swimming  away  in 
the  riches  and  pleasures  of  this  transitory  state. 
This  I  have  written  for  a  warning  to  others. 

In  the  early  j-art  of  the  winter,  after  my  return 
from  New  England,  in  1776,  1  was  reduced  to  a 
poor  state  of  health,  and  so  continue.  I  believe  1 
have  not  lately  been  ever  clear  of  a  slow  fever; 
but  have  generally  been  able  to  go  to  our  reli- 
gious meetings,  at  and  near  home  ;  some  times  to 
Philadelphia;  and  once  into  Maryland,  the  lower 
counties  on  Delaware,  &c.  &c. 

DAVID  FERRIS. 

fViliningtonf  Bth  mo.  1779. 

P.  S.  I  do  not  think  it  probable  that  Friends 
will  think  the  rough  ?-emarks  and  observations  I 
have  made,  worth  publish! n.e:  ;  but  they  may  pos- 
sibly be  of  some  use  to  my  family,  to  whom,  there- 
fore, I  leave  them.  D.  F. 


i 


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